I've been tagged

kaaron at Our Infertility Journey tagged me. The rules are as follows.

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Make sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

1) I am deathly afraid of snakes. I can't even watch them on TV and just talking about them (or typing this) makes my heart race and palms sweat.

2) As a kid, one of my favorite things to do was visit all our elderly neighbors. I went from house to house on an almost daily basis during the summers and on weekends because I was afraid they would be lonely if I didn't stop by. I also spent hours at our local nursing home just visiting with anyone I thought looked lonely or hadn't had a visitor in awhile. As I got older I volunteered with my Grandpa to deliver meals to shut-ins. It isn't a surprise that my dream job would be an activities director at a senior center or nursing home.

3) I ran from the cops when I was 14 and got away. LOL. It's not as bad as it sounds. We were having a party on a minimum maintenance road (nicknamed Bud(weiser) Hill) in the middle of nowhere when several cars started coming from both directions (never a good sign) leaving us "trapped". We ran into the corn field and just kept going. This is still one of my all time favorite high school memories and my best friend and I still joke about surviving the Bud Hill Bust.

4) I was in 2 separate roll over car accidents at 14 and 16. Nobody was wearing a seatbelt in either accident and there were only very minor cuts in either case. My guardian angel worked overtime during those days.

5) I have a strong belief in God, but think organized religion is a load of crap. No flames, please. It just isn't for me.

6) I used to fly and maintain a 30 foot long/8 foot diameter RC blimp for work. I did everything from starting engines to filling with 6 large Helium tanks to adjusting trim to patching holes after a crash.

I am tagging Polly, Jen, and Alison.

Our babes are home

Our transfer went fine today. I had been nervous reading about needing a full bladder for the procedure as my Interstitial Cystitis does not play well with a whole lot of liquid. I called my RE's nurse an hour before and she told me that my RE doesn't use abdominal ultrasound anymore and wanted an empty bladder for using the dildocam. This may not seem like a big deal, but it nearly brought me to happy tears. IC is a mean and nasty thing.

We went to the same room that my ER had been done in. I undressed and sat on the table waiting for the embryologist and RE. Embryologist came in from the IVF lab which is a second door inside our exam room. He brought a giant picture of our embryos and showed us that of the 4, 1 did not divide past 1 cell, 2 divided to 4 cells but with some fragmentation and the last one divided to 8 cells. They like the embryos to be 6-8 cells at 3 days, but we are not giving up any hope on our 4 cellers. Based on their recommendation, we decided to put all 3 back. Embryos at our RE's office are given a 1, 2, 3, or 4 rating with 1 as the worst and 4 as the best. Our 3 were rated a 3, 2, and 1.

Our RE came in and talked a bit more about the embryos and thought it was a good sign as I was wearing a necklace with 3 circles to represent each of our embryos. He got my legs into position, inserted the dreaded dildocam and told me that my ovaries are still very swollen which is why I have been having some pain yet. I don't remember how he got everything in there at the same time, but I know there was a speculum, catheter, and dildocam at one time or another to get things ready. Once the catheter was in place and we could see it on the monitor, he asked the nurse to let the lab know he was ready for the embryos. The embryologist brought in our babes and verified they were ours. Our RE showed us where to look on the screen and in they went. It was a bit surreal to watch knowing any or all of these could be our babies in 9 months. He printed off a picture of the inserted embryos for our scrapbook, wished us luck, gave me a hug, and left us in the room for me to rest for ~30 minutes.

We have been home for the day and I have been a lady of leisure letting M. take care of everything. He is being a bit overprotective which is cute today, but we will see how long that lasts. LOL. Hopefully I can get up our embryo pics before the weekend is over. We are without a scanner so it will have to wait for now.

For the first time ever, I am technically pregnant and hoping to stay this way for the next 9 months. Beta is scheduled for March 10th!!! I hate testing, but that is so far away. We will see........

No news must be good news

The work day has come and gone and I assume that no call from my RE's office on our embies must mean they are doing fine. I am feeling so much better about our 4. I think the shock of going from 13 eggs to 4 embryos was a bit much, but it sounds like this is not uncommon. These 4 are our fighters and I can't wait to get a couple of them out of the lab and into my uterus for the next 9 months. Our plan right now is to put back 2, but depending on quality/quantity this could change. My RE doesn't think I could carry any more than twins and I would rather not try.

Thanks so much for all the support. I'm not sure what I would do without you all to keep my head on straight. My next post will be from the land of bed-rest with our embies safe and sound.

And we are down to 4

I just got the fertilization report and here are the numbers:

• 13 eggs retrieved
• Only 8 of the 13 were mature
• ICSI done on all 8 mature
• 5 of the 8 survived
• 1 of the 5 fertilized abnormally
• Total number fertilized embryos = 4

I am a pretty nervous with this number and worried about our 4 little babes. I called M. and can tell that he is nervous and disappointed too. All we can do is hope for the best that they continue to grow and divide normally. Transfer is scheduled for 10:45AM on Wednesday.

It's a baker's dozen

The ER went well today and we were able to get 13 eggs!!

We left early because it was raining and got to the office at 8:15AM. It was nearly 9AM (our scheduled ER time) and I hadn't been called back yet so M. (my darling husband) went to see what was going on. They were running a little late, but called me back to a room where I undressed from the waist down and had to take off my sweatshirt. M. went off to do his thing leaving me all on my own. So it is now 9:15, then 9:30, then 9:45 and I am sitting on the table half naked with a paper cloth and freezing my ass off so my dilemma is if I should yell out the door that I want to get the show on the road while my backside hangs out or just sit and wait it out. I chose the latter and did my faithful good-luck rub of the roller-ball on the u/s machine and tried to entertain myself with breathing exercises.

My RE came in a few minutes later and said he was almost ready to go. The anesthesiologist followed behind him and started getting me prepped. IV was in, relaxation drugs inserted, heart/breathing tags stuck on my chest. My RE and his nurse came back in , teased me about my "Just do it" t-shirt, and got my legs in position. On came the oxygen mask and the burn of the good stuff into my IV. My RE put in the dildocam, but before I could look at the screen I was out. So our 35-hour-post-HCG-injection ER became a 36-hour-post-HCG-injection ER which is still well within the allotted time.

Waking up was much easier than it was for my laparoscopy. They moved me to recovery and brought M. in and gave me a heating pad and warm blanket. After ~30minutes my RE came in and gave us the news that he got 13 eggs. He said that it doesn't mean all will fertilize or survive (which we already know). I'm trying not to read too much into it.

I was released and have been sleeping nearly all day trying to get rid of the wacky anesthesia feeling. I took a darvacet late in the afternoon and used my heating pad for a little comfort. The cramping is not too bad and the spotting has been pretty mild. All in all it was a great retrieval and we are thrilled to have some to work with.

We will get our fertilization report sometime tomorrow and do a 3 day transfer (3dt) on Wednesday. I want to discuss this a bit more with my RE, but 3 day is their norm.


Edited to add the $400 for the anesthesiologist:

• $ 315.00 - Initial consult with RE
• $ 140.00 - Bloodwork
• $ 4375.34- Medications
• $ 6900.00 - IVF cycle
• $ 1200.00 - Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI)
• $ 550.00 - Assisted Hatching (AHA)
• $ 145.00 - Mock Transfer
• $ 400.00 - Anesthesia for Egg Retrieval
• $14025.34 - Total as of 02/24/08

All systems a go

I had another RE appointment this morning and based on the u/s, we will be triggering tonight at 10PM and have our ER at 9AM on Sunday. WoooHooo!! I'm not sure on the number of follicles as I just wasn't as interested in specifics for once. I'm taking the kaaron zen approach and am not going to worry about it. LOL. They said there was 1 at 21mm and a few 18's and 17's. They didn't really even check them all, but said there were enough in the mature range (above 18mm) to move forward. My E2 was 4204.

We signed the ER paperwork and went over all the instructions so just one more injection and my poor bruised belly and arm can have a rest. I'm doing the trigger subcutaneously in the belly which I am thrilled about. Our IUI trigger was intramuscular in the rear and it hurt for 3 days.

Strong, healthy, mature eggs. Strong, healthy, mature eggs. This meditation thing is catching on.

Procrastinators......

I am the queen of procrastination with nearly everything - never started studying or writing reports until the night before, only buy belated b-day cards because that is what I will need to send, ordered our wedding pictures just shy of our 3-year anniversary, took 6 years to get my undergraduate degree - you get the idea. Now it looks like my growing follicles are no exception. LOL.

I had another u/s scan and b/w appointment today. We had hoped to get the green light to stop stims and trigger tonight, but that is a no-go for now. Basically I have at least the same number (~17 or so) of follicles as last time, but they only grew ~1-2mm each since Monday so we are slowly getting there. I won't be able to trigger until some are over 18mm so I am doing a couple more days of Gonal-f, Menopur, and Ganirelix which required another med order to get a 450IU Gonal-f pen. (I'll also be getting the rest of the Endometrin (progesterone suppositories) that were left out of my last order - original order was for 63, but the 3 got cut off.)

Right now, the concern is my E2 and Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). They don't like to see the E2 go above 3000, but I can't imagine mine won't as it went from 1622 to 2556 between Monday and Wednesday. My RE's nurse told me to drink Gatorade or Propel so I am doing my best to stay hydrated and ward off this.

I decided to just head for home after my appointment today and am staying home the next couple of days too. I am too hormotional to be of any use at work and I am too bloated and uncomfortable to wear regular clothes and sit in my office chair. I did bring my laptop home so I can still work a bit when daytime TV becomes too much.

Fingers crossed that these follies hit a nice size by Friday so we can trigger and do egg retrieval on Sunday. I'm not sure I can do many more days of stims without a straight-jacket. Now maybe I will dig out my "BREAK the Procrastination Habit...NOW" book that I have been putting off reading.

ETA: Just because I am anal, here are the rest of the meds that weren't here for the first pic:

• $ 315.00 - Initial consult with RE
• $ 140.00 - Bloodwork
• $ 4375.34- Medications
• $ 6900.00 - IVF cycle
• $ 1200.00 - Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI)
• $ 550.00 - Assisted Hatching (AHA)
• $ 145.00 - Mock Transfer
  $13625.34 - Total as of 02/20/08

The little ovaries that could

I think they can. I think they can.............And they did!

We were pretty nervous going into this cycle about how my ovaries would respond to the meds. My highest FSH was 11.1, my current RE said I had very few antral follicles, and my OB/Gyn had noted during my laparoscopy that my ovaries were on the small side.

Needless to say we were thrilled to find 17 follicles in the running today! On the right=14,14,13,13,12,11,10 mm and on the left=15,14,13,13,13,13,12,12,12,11 mm with a lining=10 mm. My E2 was 1622.

The plan is to continue with 300IU Gonal-f and 150IU Menopur tonight and tomorrow night with the addition of a Ganirelix injection starting tomorrow night to prevent premature ovulation. My next scan is on Wednesday morning. We are getting close to egg retrieval and it looks like we will actually have some eggs!

PRIVATE: Dealing with the guilt

This post can be found on my private blog. If you have access, you can read it here.

I love my old grey dog

We have 2 aging furbabies. Jordan is a 100lb - 11 year old golden retriever (with more grey than gold nowadays and 3 surgeries under his belt for cyst removals) and Molly is a 55lb - 9 1/2 year old German shorthaired pointer (on HBP meds for an enlarged heart and also bed-wetting meds). Yup, it's alot like a geriatric ward around our house.

We got Jordan as a puppy after only dating (and living together) for a couple months and living in a "no pets allowed" apartment. Oh how I wish I could be so young and dumb again. His birthday is a couple weeks before our dating anniversary, but we are trying to keep that secret. Shhhh. LOL. I guess my main reason for this post is how these shedding creatures help to keep me sane. This one is really about my "grey retriever". Molly will have to wait another day for her debut.

As Jordan gets older, he does many more things his own way - as a pup we often had to hide his ball on top of the refrigerator because after 50+ throws we really had to get back to studying - and now he watches the ball bounce and just lies there until you bring it back to him. He also only sleeps on his orthopedic 7-inch thick foam dog bed (that looks and feels just like a baby crib mattress) the first half of the night only to be found lounging on our leather couch in the morning (often with his head on a throw pillow). He sighs and moans like an old man who just wants others to know he is old and irritated - usually because we move, make a noise, or disturb his 27th nap of the day.

We get up at 5AM during the week and have to coax and bribe him off the couch to go outside for a few minutes before he is back in for his glucosamine (medicine treat), a big drink, and back to said beds. Yes, he really has it rough. We have learned that a more comfortable and natural time for him to get up on his own is about 7:30AM. I am normally up before 6:30AM on the weekends because my body is so used to it so I usually go to the den and play on the computer waiting for DH (and the dogs) to get up. (Molly will not get off her orthopedic sheepskin bed or out from under her fleece dog-paw/dog bone blanket until there is nobody left in our bed.) Our old grey dog was the first one there to comfort me last night when I had my hormotional cry over my meds and got up this morning at 5:45AM to check on me in the den. I know this is much too early for him, but there he is anyway just being the sweet old teddy bear of a pup that he always has been. I am not sure what I would do without this gentle old furball of a dog, but I hope we can make his "golden" years as bright as he has made my life. Well, maybe not bright because light=moan in his grumpy old dog world.

My sweet old grey grump

Feeling frustrated

I had my u/s today with 8 follicles on the left (9, 9, 8, 8, 8, 7, 7, 6) and 4 on the right (8, 7, 7, 6). My RE seemed alright with that, but said he may want to increase the gonal-f after he looked at my E2. Now it is almost time for my injection and I still don't know what my E2 is because nobody called me. The very pregnant IVF coordinator that I mentioned in my last blog is now on maternity leave so I think there is a bit of confusion on who is handling what. That is my speculation anyway, but bottom line is that I am completely pissed off. I tried calling the office and left a message before 5PM and was told that they are often in the office up until 7PM doing call-backs. I waited until 7:30PM and then called the on-call RE. I considered it an emergency and could care less if they do or not. Based on my follicle sizes, she said to just continue with the same dosages and she will call me in the morning when she can check my file in the office. I know one day is not going to make or break my cycle, but this should not be one of the things I have to worry about right now. My next appointment is on Monday and I will be seeing a different RE as mine will be gone. I'm not even sure who to complain to yet, but someone is getting an earful. Just do your effin jobs, people. I don't care if it is Friday night.

Look out Rocky

I took my last BCP on Thursday and the old witch showed up bright and early Sunday morning so my body seems to still be working after 2 weeks of the pill. I had my mock transfer on Monday morning which was a bit like a long pap smear with lots of pinching. This was followed up by an ultrasound which checked out fine, so we moved on to finish off signing our consent forms.

It still pisses me off a little that crack whores can get knocked up and leave their babies in drug houses and we have to sign a consent stating that we understand that if this process results in a baby that he/she is our sole responsibility. Um, ya think we would pay to go through this and then just leave our baby with the RE? So I digress.......

Consents were signed and then our very pregnant IVF nurse coordinator gave us injection instructions. She is so sweet, but I would have taken a grumpy, non-pregnant nurse for this one any day of the week.

From shots we moved down to financial and shelled out $8795 and then we went around to the lab for a blood-draw. (Doc was ready for u/s early so blood-draw was late).

All checked out so we started stims Monday night with 300IU Gonal-f and 150IU Menopur. My dear husband kept me entertained (as always) by humming the theme song to Rocky. Apparently these ovaries are in training now. I had a weird taste/smell from the injection in the back of my throat for a little while afterward and have had a non-stop headache with bouts of nausea.

Next appointment is on Friday morning. Fingers crossed that we have some growing follicles!

• $ 315.00 - Initial consult with RE
• $ 140.00 - Bloodwork
• $ 3674.63 - Medications
• $ 6900.00 - IVF cycle
• $ 1200.00 - Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI)
• $ 550.00 - Assisted Hatching (AHA)
• $ 145.00 - Mock Transfer
• $12924.63 - Total as of 02/11/08

Meds, Meds Everywhere

My medications arrived today all safe and sound. Everything looks great, but there is only enough Endometrin (progesterone suppositories) for 2 days so I need to ask my RE's office about this during my next appointment.

It's a little overwhelming to see all of this laid out on our counter. I've seen IVF med pictures before, but it is a bit surreal to know these are mine. I am elated that I take my last BCP today. I've had night sweats for the past 2 nights and the headache is continuous. Next stop to my RE is on Monday for: Mock transfer, bloodwork, ultrasound, sign consent forms, injection instructions, and more activity for the Discover card as we will pay for our cycle too.


Here is a breakdown of meds and costs for each:

1 pack BCPs: $ 15.00
3 x 900IU Gonal-F pens (FSH): $1971
20 x 75IU vials Menopur (FSH & LH): $1189.80
1 x 10000USP Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG trigger): $ 36.40
3 x 250MCG Ganirelix Acetate (GnRH antagonist): $ 293.10
30 Prenatal Vitamins: $ 6.00
10 x 100mg Doxycycline capsules: $ 11.60
30 x 81mg Aspirin: $ 0.90
16 x 0.1MG Vivelle (estrogen patches): $ 108.80
6 x 100MG Endometrin (vaginal progesterone): $ 39.18
5 x 100MG Darvocet tablets: $ 2.85
15 x 3CC Syringes: "Free"
15 x 22G - 1 1/2" Needles: "Free"
15 x 27G - 1/2" Needles: "Free"
Gauze & Alcohol wipes: "Free"

A note to those looking at the med costs: I am on an aggressive dose for my age (my RE's words) due to my FSH so I think there is a little more Gonal-F and/or Menopur than what might be normal.

Racking up the Discover points

I called my RE's office today to get some reassurance that taking BCPs for 13 days should not over-suppress my ovaries. I just don't want them to get too comfortable that they don't want to wake up when I start stimming. If my FSH wasn't a little high (11.1) I don't think I would care nearly as much. The nurse reassured me that everything is fine so I'm not going to think about it anymore. She faxed my medication prescription in today and said that we qualify for a free pen of Gonal-f because we are self-pay. I love little surprises like this.


I spoke to the pharmacy and requested a Thursday (02/07) delivery. The meds require a signature and the Gonal-f needs to be refrigerated so somebody has to be home. My DH has a doctor appointment that day and I hate driving to work alone anyway (we carpool) so it seemed like a good work-from-home kind of day.

I was prepared for the meds to be expensive as we were given an estimate of between $2000 and $4000, but I guess I was hoping to be on the lower end. The total for today was $3659.63. I thought I should start keeping a running tally on the cost of our cycle somewhere on here to give those considering IVF an idea on what an average cycle entails. I plan to update the costs at the end of my blogs. (Yes, all eng.ineers are this anal.)

• $ 315.00 - Initial consult with RE
• $ 140.00 - Bloodwork
• $ 3674.63 - Medications
• $ 4129.63 - Total as of 02/01/08