About Me

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On the planet since 1973. Living in sin with M since 1997 and honestly since 2002. Failing at baby-making since 2005. And whining about it here since 2008. Come on in and sit a spell. This train wreck never seems to end.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

body for sale, battered, beat up, and broken slightly worn

Aging classic late model 1973 human female of the growth stunted 5-foot (1.5-m for my metric friends) space-saving variety with nearly all held together with duct tape original parts.

Reproductive system appears to function flawlessly with a near-perfect 28-day cycle. While it has never been used for it's supposed capabilities which is not due to lack of effort, it has been pushed to the medically-induced, hormonally-driven, desperation kind of limits many times and recovered with a broken heart and many tears quite nicely. Ovaries only know how to spit out crap eggs sputter slightly and are dying a slow death may need to retire soon, but with that beautiful 28-day cycle, functionality on the outside appearance is bright, shiny, and new. The uterus of doom and destruction is an overachiever spewing it's endometrial lining all the way into the abdominal cavity and in a pristine never been stretched condition.

The non-functioning appendix that nearly blew out 20 years ago was removed at the owner's request to prevent said owner from death for aesthetic reasons.

The bladder has been drugged into submission reconditioned in the last year and requires 4 pills with strategic meal times for proper function daily maintenance as well as periodical meds inserted via self-catheterization cleanings to keep it running smoothly.

Colon bleeds multiple times a week is starting to show some wear, but has been checked out multiple times cleaned out, scoped, photographed, and humiliated during 3 sigmoidoscopies, 2 colonoscopies, 2 anoscopies, and a partridge in a pear tree with only one slightly major issue a big old precancerous polyp which was cut out like the bastard he was repaired as well as a few areas with "patches of irritation".

Skin breaks out, sunburns, rashes up easily, is starting to really wrinkle, and holds onto poison oak like it is the lifeblood of existence is a little temperamental and requires gallons of potions and lotions some TLC.

Most recently the brain has been in a slight fog with low concentration begun to slow a bit to the point of requiring serious focus to perform easy tasks - like driving and remembering things. The owner believed this was due to severe exhaustion simple wear and tear. Upon further inspection by members of the maintenance crew the neck glands were found to be severely enlarged to the point of the owner requesting the crew to look closer at her tongue because she was sure it was too swelled to fit in her mouth a little larger than normal, but believe they should return to normal some day relatively soon. Upon testing with the vampires other members of the crew, the blood fluid level was found to be negative for mono, but fucked up because the brain hasn't had to process a bad test result in a couple months and clearly that is how we roll around here positive for antinuclear antibodies (ANA). An appointment with yet one more specialist a rheumatologist is currently scheduled and dreaded. Let's see what messed up autoimmune condition the powers that be would like to add to the list.

Disclaimer: Owner believes there might be a slight electrical short somewhere making for some good old body party time causing the right leg (and the right arm today too just for kicks I guess) to feel like it is plugged into an outlet on occasion. Owner believes these might be related to the intense foot cramp/spasm things that have also been a real pain in the ass slightly bothersome as of late.

Current owner loves if love means tolerates this treasured body classic, but is sick and tired of of it breaking down no longer wants to expend time or energy on the upkeep.

Warranty is well past expiration...but this gem is still likely to go for free fast!


Sorry for the disappearing act. I have around 23+ unanswered emails and 100+ posts in my google reader right now. Somehow my body cannot get enough sleep these days...crashing out all night, snoozing on the 30 minute drive to and from work (carpooling with hubby), and napping a bit in the evenings too. We have canceled our bouldering/camping mini-getaway this weekend so I should have ample time to finally not be such an asshole catch up with everyone...in between my naps that is. I would love to start tonight, but can Zzz hear my pillow calling my name right now. Zzzzzz.

Shameless plea: If anyone has any positive ANA stories or good info they are willing to share I would so very much appreciate it.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. :( I hope you get some answers soon.

I apologize if you have already heard this before, but have you looked at celiac disease or gluten intolerance? Celiac is an autoimmune disease that often partners up with other autoimmune diseases. It is not always easily diagnosed. (You can have it and test negative on blood tests and intestinal biopsies.) I'm not sure if your symptoms even match up, but it it worth a google. Best of luck to you!

Momasita said...

Sorry about the ANA, I wish I had some information to share, but other than a cousin who has also been diagnosed with this I have nothing to add. I hope you get some answers really soon and that you have a great weekend - with lots of naps!

lastchanceivf said...

Well....often I have patients with positive ANA but they can't find any specific autoimmune disorder. However, you are definitely having symptoms...I wonder what your thyroid is up to?
Did they tell you about the pattern and the titer level?

Geez, wishing things would get easier! I hope you are seeing the rheum. soon and he/she can give you some answers.

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the ANA :(. Good luck with the rheumy - hope it's nothing serious!

Jill M. said...

Geesh girl, can your poor body not catch a break? I'm so sorry for all you're going through. Hugs!

Sue said...

Honestly, I think I'm with infertilefollies on this one. Have you been tested for celiac? It's always the last thing they test for. It does seem as if your symptoms match up. Like, alot.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please post again to let us know how you are doing.

Plant Girl said...

Good luck with the rheum. Fingers crossed for a (quick!) diagnosis and hopefully some relief from the malady.

My mom and 2 of my really close friends have fibromyalgia. Let me know if you need some resources.

((hugs))

Silver said...

I wonder if you can get a false negative for mono, because I have to say between the neck thing and the sleeping, it sounds an awful lot like that! Did the tell you what type of ANA you had (Homogenous, Speckled, Nucleolar, Outline pattern) - that can give an indication of the type of thing you might have. I had raised nucleolar when I had the Parvo virus. Thyroiditis can also raise your ANA and might explain the neck thing and the tiredness. Good luck, and please email me if you want to know any more - not a medical expert, just had a lot of stuff wrong with me!

Flying Monkeys said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Flying Monkeys said...

DUDE! Did you see all my typos?...

Holy fuck! I have weird a contagious electric leg thing that's passible through the interwebs! Sorry for that, I didn't want to share because it sucks ass. Seriously, I'm sorry you're dealing with anything similar, it's not comfortable and it causes a lot of anxiety for me. I have no idea what's causing mine, MRI's, bw, electrical prodding leave me answerless but none the less still charged. The jury is out on fibro and there is still a chance is caused by diabetes that I haven't developed yet because, you know, less than 10% of the diabetic population develops the neuropathy BEFORE they have diabetes so of course I would. I'm a rockstar!! If you get an answer do let me know. B12 (methylcobalamin) has helped some with the buzzing but then the B12 caused a possible issue with my potassium which intensified my muscle spasms which the doctor said was rare but was, strangely enough, toned down with a banana a day. The metformin is still out on whether or not it will accept the banana addition.
With all you colon poking you'd think they tested for Celiac's or do they do that with the endoscope and the upper intestine? I don't remember, I was probed from both ends the day they tested mine...maybe that's why I keep having the bright light dreams about the men with big eyes...BUT it can show up on bw. The better test is biopsy though.
I love you. I hope you find some answers soon. I am glad to hear your naps are not occurring when you were driving.

Sissy said...

Whoa. Oh my. That's a lot.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I too have struggled with infertility. One of the things I started to research was immune -related issues, such as positive ANA's and a myriad of other antibodies. What helped me to understand this correlation was a book by Dr. Alan Beer. You may find some useful information on the website www.repro-med.net. Good luck.

bb said...

Geez Lady. I hope you can catch a break. {{hugs}}

Sending you many wishes for a pleasant weekend full of naps with your new puppy and the husband.

Anonymous said...

Hello,

Stumbled upon your blog today and your comment about your rashes, sunburns, foggy brain and positive ANA test struck a chord with me because it sounds like lupus may be a possibility based on the symptoms you've described. I have been diagnosed with lupus for about five years and while it's not a walk in the park, it is manageable. I hope your appointment with the rheumy goes well and s/he is able to give you some answers...hopefully it's not lupus or any other serious chronic condition...

For a more positive story about positive ANA, my mom also had a positive ANA test a few year ago but was never diagnosed with anything because she had no active symptoms (the doctor suspected Sjogren's, which is a relatively benign condition for most who have it, at least in comparison to other autoimmune disorders).

I am not a doctor or anything but if you have any questions about lupus, please feel free to email me...thewinglessone@gmail.com

- Joyce

shocks said...

Sorry you are feeling so tired and out of it lately! I really hope you get some serious answers from you upcoming appointment. How's the moose?!

Phoebe said...

I'm already inundated you with more information than your fogged brain can deal with, so I won't give you more ass-vice here (unless you ask for it!). Just wanting to let you know that I'm here for you anytime you need to vent/talk.

Here's an interesting story... a colleague of mine has had rheumatoid arthritis for a decade or more. She recently cut gluten out of her diet and is feeling better already! We were the two that brought our own gluten free lunches to a huge conference we both attended recently.

Lisa said...

It's so hard when our bodies don't do what we want them to do. I have been sorely disappointed in mine of late.

I do know one thing...all these parts make up YOU and since you are so fantastically wonderful, I cannot help but admire the whole of you...even when some of the parts let you down now and then.

I hope your docs have some answers for you soon. XO

Claudia said...

Well, since your battered, beat-up body hosts such a lovely person inside it, I don't think you should sell it for any less than ten billion dollars.

(btw - glad your 'body for sale' post was not about a career change into prostitution).

sparklythings said...

dear lord! what in the heck is going on with your bod!!

seriously, you are too young for all this.

i think you need greg house. so does jess. so does my SIL. hm, i guess i know several people that have some odd combos of symptoms that are just not fitting with any easy diagnosis.

well, i will be waiting to hear how this goes. maybe if you get it nailed down you'll have some answers about getting pregnant, too. oh, crap, see, i can't ever leave the IF out. i need to work on that.

xoxoxo

Wishing 4 One said...

man alive girl! i sure hope you find out what all this craziness is and its nothing serious. i would sell yourself for not less than a billion trillion zillion gazillion dollars cause you are very precious and no one deserves to have such a lovely person so cheap. heck i would say there is no value at all for you, you are priceless. thinking iof you and sending big mad hugs and smooches. xoxoxo

Wendy said...

All I can say is, I hope you get some answers very very soon. I'm sorry you've been feeling lousy and going through this. I hope the rheumatologist can figure this out for you...I'm always here for you if you want to talk.

Tara said...

Ok - you can't sell your bod because the person inside of it is too wonderful. I hope the docs can figure out WTF is going on PRONTO. I hope the Moose is enjoying snuggling with you. Sweet dreams and I'm praying for a quick diagnosis and recovery.

XOXO

Heather said...

I actually think I read somewhere that there is a large % of people out there with a positive ANA that means nothing. My husband has one, granted he does have rheumatoid arthritis and his sister that lives with us and watches our boys has lupus (SLE). We're used to living with it. We stay away from MSG as that seems to anger the immune systems of the people in our house. I will say that when I'm really tired, I try to drink a cup of nettle tea every day to bring up my iron levels. I seem to have an undetected low iron level, but have never been told I'm anemic. I question your thyroid too. Hang in there.

Just Me. said...

oh wow, B. that's really a whole lot of shit! i'm so sorry that u have to go through this. you are truly the sweetest person i know and i really hope you do find som answers.

big hugs and love to you.

Phoebe said...

Just checking in on you to see how you are. I had an "episode" today, the kind of which I haven't had in a while, which made me wonder if you go through the same thing? I ate some frozen dinner thing last night that didn't come out too well on the other end. I had to lay down after it all passed, it was that bad. Was it the corn, the soy, or just the fact that it was processed food?

I know this can be a long process to figure out what is wrong with you and get your health back. Been there, done that, and guess still doing it! HUGE HUGS!!

Lorraine said...

Well, my dear, the exterior is in great shape.

And of course, that exterior holds a lot more than some damaged parts. Your compassion, wit, charm, intelligence, capacity for love, generosity - those are in mint condition.