- I now have 2 pregnant officemates. Yes, 2 pregnant women and 1 infertile (on the brink of a nervous breakdown) in the same small cramped office for 8-10 hours a day. I am very happy for them both and hope only the best as they are 2 of my closest friends. I am struggling for reasons I am sure I don't even have to explain and others that I probably will (but at a later date). I love them both dearly, but 5 full days a week with 2 blissfully giddy pregnant women is beyond my capabilities right now. Not sure how to get through this one yet. Total avoidance (and lots of tearful trips to the bathroom) for a bit longer as I just need to catch my breath.
- Work has me overloaded. I am tired of bringing my laptop home every night to get just a "few more things" done. I have considered switching to a less demanding project, but I can't let my direct management down as they have been so great to me. As a nice F.U. boycott, the only work I did this weekend was run my model despite the fact that I have another big presentation package due this week to management so many levels above me that I need a family tree type chart to figure out how scared I should really be.
- I had an inappropriately timed emotional meltdown in front of my supervisor (again). He bragged me up and said really great things about my work and more aggressive attitude, in spite of having a tough year personally. (I haven't told him about our struggles directly, but he knows about "medical issues" and alot of missed work). He said he thinks I am getting back to myself a little more now as he noticed I hadn't seemed as happy in the last months. Tears for whatever reason. Get. a. grip. crazy. infertile. woman.
- Surprise, cd1 (again).
- M and I went to a 3-hour adoption seminar on Saturday that ended on the note that adoption is a lifelong traumatic experience that should only be used by birth parents as an absolute last resort because children are better off left with their biological parents who cannot provide for their needs than adoptive parents who can.
I just want it all to end. Just an extended break where none of it exists, where I don't have to think or deal with any of it, where I just feel truly happy again. Most days are just spent going through the motions waiting for the minute I can crawl into bed again and cocoon myself away from the outside world in the safe arms of my M.
I don't like who I have become - quiet, withdrawn, clingy, sad. I used to be fun....really fun if I do say so myself. I was social and active and almost always one of the last ones to leave the party. I was downright ornery, walked a fine line with my wild side, and could always make my friends laugh. There are many stories that begin with, "Remember the time you climbed/were hoisted onto/scaled over......" LOL. (Maybe not so funny until you realize that I'm barely 5' tall and can share clothes/shoes with my 9 year old nephew). I was the one who helped them solve their problems, got (or kept) them out of trouble, and was always there to put a bright spin on any situation. I was known for it.
Today, that person is gone and I guess I'm not the only one who misses her. M told me through tears this week that he just wants the old Brenda back - the one who smiles all the time, is happy, and loves life. Poor guy is stuck with this shell of a wife who just can't seem to really pull it together for long periods (a few hours) of time any more without getting lost in her thoughts.
I keep telling myself to just keep plugging through, going through the motions, moving forward at any cost. Fake it 'til you make it. The sooner you get through this part, the closer you will be to finding a new version of the "old Brenda", whoever she turns out to be.
So many of you go through so much more with such grace and inspiration and clarity. I draw from your strength to help keep my attitude in check and my mind moving forward. I sometimes wonder if some of you have hidden blogs where you put all the really shitty and hating the world kind of thoughts that I seem to spill here on a regular basis or if I am just not doing so well with this coping thing.
I feel like my emotions are bubbling over and I don't know what to do with them. Some days I'm not sure that I really care. At what point does "just processing and getting it all out" turn into "go get some real help for this depression"?
52 comments:
Huge hugs hon. :( I can relate to way too much of what you wrote. I'm sorry that all of this crap is so overwhelming right now. Not that I have much personal faith in this right now- but it will get better. It has to.
As someone who works with adopted kids (although most aren't adopted as infants)- I think that adopted kids always feel some kind of attachment/loyalty to their bio parents. But they will also form that attachment and loyalty to their adoptive parents. I think one of the things that makes a huge difference is when the adoptive parents can accept the feelings kids have toward their bio parents and can normalize those feelings- I think that takes a lot of the "trauma" out of it.
Hang in there- if I had to deal with 2 pregnant women all day I would be spending a lot of time in the bathroom too. (((hugs)))
I wish I could say something really helpful. I have read your comments on other blogs and you are always the first to offer a supportive word and a genuine sense of understanding. Mostly I can only say that you have my utmost sympathy. I know you are at a crossroads, and at a point where long-term stress leaves no room any new tensions.
I think it makes perfect sense to talk with someone who is professionally trained to give you ways to de-muddle (?) and find your way back to yourself. IF is really, really hard, and it's not fair to take on all the weight of the struggle without help. These are literally life-changing decisions that you are dealing with, and if ever there was a time to have objective guidance this is it.
All that said - would a potential adoption investigation be affected by a diagnosis of depression? I don't know anything about that process, but it seems wise to be prudent.
I hope you have an 'on week' to make up for this last one, and find some ways to bring yourself back to the old you.
If I had to be around 2 giddy pregnant woman 5 days a week all day long I would also be taking strain!!!
I'm sorry that you're having a tough time of it all right now but you know what - this too shall pass, whether you do it on your own or seek assistance from a therapist you will get past this! You're stronger than you think...
And by the way that girl, the one you miss - she's still in there, she's just a little different is all... You'll re-connect with her too sometime...
Cut yourself some slack my dear - you're going through a shitty time right now and it is not easy! BUT you're stronger than you think and you will prevail - cos that is the Brenda I know...
HUGS!
xxx
I've known you for about more than half a year, I think. *How fast time flies eh?* You have been such a great friend. You always say something that makes me feel better and for that, I really do value your friendship. You are still Brenda, just that right now, you're feeling sad cuz IF is really, just so hard to comprehend. It sucks your energy dry and really drains your positive thoughts. But I know that there's something inside of you, that wants to fight it another go.
You will get through this and I know that an ending will come. I don't know how or when it will end for you, tho. I just know that I have that dream of us with our DHs to look forward to.
Many hugs to you and M.
ps I am short too. :)
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about when I say "you know those shows on TV that try to teach a lesson when someone wishes for something and it never turns out the way they thought it would?" I don't think TV writers have it all figured out, and despite any warnings from The Simpsons or The Twilight Zone, I WISH that I could take away all your pain and give you all that your heart desires. I also wish I could take you out for a Blizzard.
And remember, adoption is a good thing. I know I've seen enough to know that the crack-whore is not a good mother, she cannot provide a solid, loving home, and the kid is better off with a family who wants him and can provide for him. Don't doubt your adoption options - they are still excellent choices.
Hang in there and know that life is out there and you are still you. Many thousand {{hugs}} for you, my dear.
I too wish I hag magic words to make your week better -- life is not always understandable but I believe there is a purpose to all that is handed to us, even though sometimes it seems to just be awful. Hang in there!
Tons of hugs being sent your way:( That's tough to be around 2 pg women all day long. I feel for you.
I don't know what kind of whacked out adoption seminar you went to but you need to start fresh and look into this option again. Trust me...from someone who was a "shell" for years. I am back for the most part.
You may not be ready for more research, but when you are, here is the link to my facilitator. Maybe you could try talking to her to explore your options. She has been wonderful to us so far.
www.alaborofloveadoptions.com
Sorry if I overstepped my boundaries, but I completely understand how you feel, BTDT. I'm hoping you find peace soon with whichever path you choose.
First, I'm sending you a big hug. I can relate to a certain extent about the changing personality. I'm a little more withdrawn than I used to be - my life used to be an open book. Now, I just don't want to talk about it with anyone.
I think talking to someone about how you're feeling is a great idea - if you're ready to take that step. Someone objective, outside of the situation can really help figure things out.
As to the adoption seminar - they really said that? Was it a seminar to find out how to adopt or to give the reasons not to adopt?!
One last thing, your friends in the internet are here for you!
Oh, Brenda - this struggle is so hard and I can relate to all of the things you are saying and feeling. Regarding the PG friends - I keep clinging on to something my mom told me recently - she said, "Tara - it's ok to be sad for yourself. You've been there for your friends through their hard times, and they will be here for you through yours. It's ok to be happy for them and devastated for yourself - take the time you need away from everyone - they will always welcome you back with open arms." That's helped me a lot - I've been trying to do it all and wear this mask that I'm totally fine - and it's ripping me in half. I don't know how others get through this so gracefully - I sure haven't shown a lot of grace the past 21 months.
As for feeling like you've lost yourself - girl, I am so with you. I used to be totally confident, always pretty positive and the life of the party. Now, I get nervous in social situations where I don't know many people, I've lost my mind to mouth filter - so the ugly thoughts come out instead of positive ones, and I pretty much always seem to cry at parties - or on the way home. The new me is not nearly as awesome as the old me (if I say so myself)!!!!
We will find our way - we just can't lose that hope. Hang tough and know that you have a great support network.
Thank you for your comments and kind words - they've been helping me. I hope I can do the same for you.
I know that all of us can relate in more ways than one.
I have been told before that DH, "just wants the old chell back"... BUT, it is SO hard to put on the mask everyday. It is so hard to wear your heart on your sleeve and put everything out there in hopes that everything is going to work out and then it doesn't.
And when it doesn't work out, it seems that everyone is just waiting for you to bounce back. And in reality, it's just an act because it takes so much time to cope and heal (emotionally or physically) that you just can't snap your fingers and be "all better."
I have asked myself the very same questions: Am I depressed? When is the point where I need to get help for this? Am I going to ever feel happy again? AND I think the scary part is that no one can answer those questions but you. You will get there. I know you will. You will find the "Old Brenda." In the mean time, I am so sorry it has been so rough on you.
((HUGS!!)) I'd reach through the computer screen if I could!
You've expressed everything so eloquently. Sometimes I'm at a loss for what to add, as I'd only be repeating what you have said so well.
I must admit, only recently I grasped the magnitude of what you were feeling-- perhaps because all along I was hopeful(for myself), and for some reason it occured to me that this hope might not result in anything.
The sudden feelings of sadness and near despair I felt was similar to what I experienced reading your blog and others like yours.
So, I truly want to apologize for not understanding enough the depth of emotions that were poured into these posts.
Reading this current post, I kept saying: 'fake it until you feel it'; but I see you've already had that thought.
It's not easy and I have no answers, only things I've done to cope.
Enjoy your dear husband. As the saying goes - 'life is what happens when we're busy making other plans'.
IF is just a part of your life. Take time to smell the roses, literally, and whatever other flower you prefer.
You've described the sort of person you used to be. She sounds like a heck of a lot of fun. Some one I would love to be but too unadventurous to become. Throw caution to the wind once again and live the best life possible. You and your DH deserve that much.
Have a date night with your dear M once per week. Even if you have to pretend, you go and be his hot, sexy, siren for the night. Walk barefoot in the grass or on the beach. Just enjoy your life together for what it is.
*HUGS*
Best wishes
Anna
Sorry for the lengthy post. Didn't realize until I previewed it.
I went to counseling after my second fresh ended up in a loss.
I had a breakdown in Old Navy as I watch a little girl in the most adorable butterfly dress spin in circles. I can't even begin to imagine the PMS hell my house would be if I even had a girl but it was just the idea of knowing I probably never would.
I avoided my family when my brother's ex got pg when he was 16.
I cry every time a friend, regardless of how close they are to me or how 'hard' they had to try, announces a pg.
I can not control my mouth when someone spouts off about how hard they have tried after 4 months. It's not as pointed now but the they get my drift.
I obsessed so much about giving G a sibling that I missed some of what he was doing. I missed big things for M. I lost me in the process.
I decided to find me again and found a 35 year old arthritic woman who is 60 pounds overweight and most of her friends are imaginary.
Sometimes my first thought it not 'oh how wonderful! congratulations!' it's 'fucker'.
Dear New & Ever-evolving Brenda and Old Brenda:
These are tough times and they sometimes feel even worse because we have this horrible habit of defining our lives by periods of time. I blame school - we have B.C and A.D, in IF we have B.TTC time and then this period (the ever continuing cycle). But although we study things in a linear fashion and suppose that the past happened and ceased, it is still very much still with us.
B.TTC. Brenda is still very much alive and kicking it. I didn't even know her, but see her almost daily. Her courage and spitfire determination has and will continue to send you on many adventures. You are brave and strong and willing to do things that plenty of others might not have the courage to do.
What you feel like as "plugging" along is really an amazing and hard fought trek through this IF crap...and I for one am in awe.
You have a fantastic sense of humor and manage to not only put a "spin" on this IF journey but add a truly funny and fresh perspective. You show others the bright side even if you don't always feel the light.
More importantly, teary-eyed one, although you laugh it is not a defense mechanism but further insight into your depth and soul. I apply a horse shoe theory to laughing and crying. One on each end - resulting in the 2 being very close together which means we can bounce often between the 2.
You are not missing-in-action, sometimes you just need to lay low. You are not a shell, you just need breaks from feeling everything.
As silly as it sounds, this is just hard, but I am trying with your help to approach life in the spirit of "less like scars, but more like character" (Thank you Sara Groves.)
So New Brenda please know that Old Brenda (hereafter to be known as B.TTC. Brenda) is not gone but still very much here with us. [B.TTC. Brenda, please say "hi" at this moment.] In fact, it is her that keeps nagging at you to try to look at things differently, forces you to question what you want to do next, and takes you to a 3 hour adoption seminar (yikes, by the way...talk about jumping over a wall).
Truly,
The 5'2" Still Struggling Filoli
Hugs and more hugs...I wish that there was something more I could do. If you were close by, I swear I would come by and do something that helped make things better. I would try to make you smile, and just be by your side so that you would feel like things were going to get better. Because even if it's impossible to see right now - you are going to get through this. You are a strong person, and have been thrown more crap than even a strong person should be. We can do this together - I'm not going anywhere, whether I get annoying or not...you're stuck with me. We'll do this together, until you get to the point where your head is held up high and you look back at these moments and say, "yup, that sucked...but I did it. I got through."
Thinking of you often...
Wow, what a lot of great comments you have gotten here! I've heard that too from my DH, that he just wants the old me back. Sometimes, she comes out, but then, I fall back into the loss and grief. Life is just way too stressful. We can all use a break. Hugs.
i'm so sorry for the stupid pregnant women. thats just pure torture...
thinking of you daily!
I just read your post, B. I emailed you instead of posting my novel here!
I am so sorry you're having such a rough time. Damn IF. It pisses me off more everyday when wonderful women like you are made to feel this way.
First of all, I can't believe the adoption seminar left you with that type of message! I mean, of course being adopted is a different and more complicated experience, and I'm sure this needs to be conveyed to potential adoptive parents, but with the right home, as you two will no doubt provide, I think it is such a disservice to send the message they did. It's stealing hope, something that doesn't need to be done here.
Like you, I've often been wondering whether I'm crossing over the line of dealing with IF stuff to perhaps something more. It's a fine line. When IF consistently robs one's ability to even experience life, I think it may point to the need for something more. I've considered counseling, but after all of the time and money devoted to IV, can't possibly figure out how this might work. I sincerely hope that you find more peace, more hope, more rest from all of this nonsense. And I hope this comes soon for you.
**hugs**
Oh, ouch. What a week.
All I wanted to say is that I'm so sorry it's been so hard. I'm especially so sorry the adoption people gave out such unhelpful messages - someone should have taken them aside and given them a good slap.
Sending you ten tons of empathy from far away - I have BEEN THERE with the pregnant officemate and wow, nothing compares, does it? I can hardly begin to imagine what it must be like with TWO. Am so sorry you have to deal with this.
You are still there. You will always be there. we change only in who we seem to others, not who you really are deep down. IF is hard to cope with, and we try different things to get through different days. If you are asking the question of needing help, then it is time to get it. I love ya sweetie, and I only want you to be happy, if getting help for your heart is the happy you need, then get it.
I don't know what adoption sem. you went to but geez they are full of shit!!
Big Hugs!!!
Rebel
Oh Brenda! You make me laugh you make me cry! There is SO much that you share there that I resinate with ... I am a shell of a person. My husband so misses me. My friends miss me. Heck, acquaintences I'm just meeting miss the girl they've never met - I'm such a bump on a log these days! I am the girl that would be hoisted/scale/etc ... usually it's "remember when you said ..." to whomever ... sometimes I would pull a fake accent, ask people random questions (to the point where they thought they were on candid camera) ... and on and on. I used to be a riot. Now I'm just on strike. I seriously think we should meet someday - we could laugh about how sad we are.
Seriously, I think you should consider leaving your job. I know that sounds crazy, but SELF PRESERVATION sister! I can't even IMAGINE going through that (and I'm probably one of the ones you were alluding to who goes through this optimistically - which, by the way, I don't agree with!)
And the whole adoption thing ... and that statement about how it's best if they are left with their birth parents. Yeah, thanks for the kick in the face. It's like ... when does it end? WHEN???
Big hugs to you my friend - thank you for sharing all this. If I could articulate as well as you - I would have said so many of the same things.
I wish I could say something magical to make it all go away.
I totally relate to the pregnant people at work. Within the last year, there have been 10, yes, TEN babies in my office. When they were born, I was happy for reasons other than the joy of their birth. I was happy because it meant one less pregnant lady in the office. It never got easier for me and as long as I'm not pregnant, it probably won't. Selfish jealousy? Absolutely!
I also understand how you are feeling. After my ectopic (almost one year ago so I'm having to deal with that all over again but, I digress), I completely shut everyone out. I stayed in the bedroom, barely talked to my husband, found reasons not to attend functions, parties, etc. My husband suffers from depression so when he told me I needed to talk to someone, I knew I was in trouble.
I'm stubborn so I never did but I think I probably should have. I do think there's value in talking to a completely objective person who will just listen. Even though most people mean well, sometimes we just don't want to hear the fake advice or "go get 'em" pep talks, ya know?
Whatever you decide, you know we're all here for you. I hate to use an overly used cliche but I do think it's true -- Time Heals. It will get easier and you'll find happiness again.
Well B., what a collection of comments you've generated here. Reading them gives me an odd feeling of acceptance. What would be do without our Internet community? It's the only place where I can feel truly alive and understood.
The officemates. Oh. my. God. I agree with Polly -- maybe it's time for a switch. I hate to admit it, but I've come to the conclusion that I must leave my job, too. I can't stand to see my colleagues and their babies (yes, we have a day care in our SCHOOL, which, by the way, was (ironically) MY IDEA two years ago. I just can't take it anymore, and nothing is ever going to change. So maybe it's time for us to go. It's not fair, but what part of this hell is fair? At the very least, I think you should talk to your supervisor about switching to a different office. See what's possible.
Maybe if you shared more of your situation with your direct supervisor, she/he could better understand how painful the current arrangement is for you.
As for CD1... I'm with you. I actually had a colleague tell me that I should have that Neuva (spelling?) procedure to "burn off" my uterine lining so I don't have the monthly reminder of my failure. See, I'm not kidding. I work in hell.
My soul died months ago. I can barely remember who I used to be. I'm fake, fake, fake. The big liar. I sit at work and listen to the rest of the world talk about their "busy homes" and "baby brain." It's like they do not even see me.
You were right: therapy did not work. But one thing I can tell you: Zoloft helps. I highly recommend it... nightly.
We're in hell, but someday we will be able to say we survived.
Always on my mind,
E
P.S. GReat comments from everyone. They help me, too!
I think you've said that your company is low on office space, but I wish-wish-wish-wish that you could be moved! There's just no way you can heal from your IF wounds when they're constantly reopened every day. The dread alone wears on you so you can't even enjoy your time away from the office. This is something you *need* for survival, even if it means telecommuting three days a week. Anything will help.
And as far as adoption goes, attachment disorder is real, but I think it's sort of like ADD in the nineties - being over diagnosed. Ignore them. For every adoptee who feels abandoned, I can show you half a dozen who don't and some of those don't even have any curiosity about their birth parents.
Hugs to you, B. This is hard stuff and your work situation is only making it harder. Please, for yourself, please see if there's anything you can do about it.
Just wanted to give you a midweek little hug! Still thinking of you more than you know...
How's my B doing?
New or old B, I still love you.
((((hugs))))
I understand exactly what you are saying - it's not a pretty feeling.
Just keep on keeping on and don't be afraid to be whoever you need to be. Somedays will be 'get through the hour type days' and others will be days that are lived.
Hey there! This is my 2nd comment - just stopping back by to let you know I tagged you. Visit my blog if you are up to playing :)
sending over some (((HUGS))) as i cant say it any better the Tara did.. i think we all go through a "change" with IF ... its a very emotional and physical process that takes its toll... so we develop into someone new.. we put up our barricades to protect oursleves from more hurt...we isolate our selves for fear of encountering a horrible situation that may just break us... we pull away from friendds and family to avoid questions, insensitive comments, or well meaning ones that just werent the right thing to say... We do put up a front to hte outside world that we are "OK" but inside we are broken and falling apart.. putting up that front takes a toll in oand of itself.. you can only do that for so long til that as well starts to break down.. putting on that happy face when you hear another friend or family member is PG or has lapped you once again... its tough... people dont understand how difficult IF is.. and unfortuneatly we get depressed cause there isnt that understanding from the ones who we wish would support us the most.. so we bottle everything up cause we have noone to talk to..
it kills me as well when folks say well "just adopt" Well you know thats not an easy road either.. for us it was months of paperwork, very intimate interviews, home inspections the works.. never mind the emotional stuff we have to deal with for the healing process to transition from IF to adoption....
through my babbling trying to say i understand and your not alone and i am here fo ryou.. u have been a great support to me for a while now.. and its greatly appreciated.. i hope that i can be that for you as you go through this tough time.. i promise it will get better.. time heals all...(((HUGS)))
Oh yes, the crack whore. I use that same theory.
I would not be able to handle the 2 pg office-mates. No way, I would break down crying every day :(
Hey sweetie... I wanted to give you something fun to take your mind off all your heartache right now, so I tagged you... go see what amazing thing you have to traumatize yourself with!!!
Rebel
That is exactly where I am right now. I am so scared that my husband is falling out of love with me because I am being such a b*tch all the time.
I can't help it. I am so sad.
I think people must have hidden blogs. :) Or, they don't share/write everything...I know that in my toughest moments, I actually didn't turn to my blog, b/c I was so down, so frustrated, I had no words to express what I wanted to express, and I just felt like what's the point? Each person processes things differently...someone may have been on this journey for much longer than I have and still take it better than I did, but that's where those individual variations come in.
I also felt (and continue to feel) like a different person than I used to be...as though infertility has stripped me of joy and innocence...I think this may be inevitable. It's hard to know when to draw the line between I just need to pull through this vs. I need help...but I do think that getting help can't hurt, right? I've often thought of getting help (not necessarily related to IF, other issues too) but never did...but if you've been battling the same despair for a long time, then I think perhaps it can't hurt to get help, and it could be worth a try.
No matter what you decide, we're here, and we hope that that will be some sort of help. :)
You've been tagged :) Check out my blog :)
I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I can relate so well to what you said about not being the same person. This changes us so much. I just try to hold on the belief that although it is hard now it will get better and I will be a greater stronger person because of it. It won't be tomorrow or probably any time soon but it will happen.
Hey girl - just stopping by to say hi and I hope you're doing okay. ((hugs))
I really don't know what to say, other than I know what you are going through. I too had to work with pregnant co-workers, mothers etc...(I'm a Developmental Interventionist). I have been there and it SUCKS and it is HARD! Just know that we are here for you!
As far as the adoption seminar- that lady is full of CRAP- I am sorry but that made me so MAD! I have two beautiful children from adoption. Granite they are young but we have an amazing attachement and have had so since day one. I know for a fact that my son's bm (birthmom) is thankful for us and that she knows still to this day that she made the right decision! We have pictures and as much info as the birthparents would give us to infor our children when they have questions etc.. because there will be a day that they will, but I also know that I have been the best mom I could be for them and that means something! Please don't let that lady stop your from considering adoption- it is an amazing experience one that I am truely grateful for! I could go on and on about adoption.If you have any questions I would love to help you as much as I can, we have gone through two adoptions (and will do atleast one more) both very different. I am not saying it is an easy path by any means but it is all worth it! I wish you the best, I know that this is a difficult time, because I have been there and there really isn't anything that I know to say that will make you feel any better other than we are here for you.
Hey there. Stopping by to see how you're going.
And wanted to give you a hug too.
Miss you!
((((hugs))))
Hey lady - just thinking about you - hoping you are doing better. Have a nice weekend.
Hugs
Tara
just thinking of you...
Just sent you an e-mail... miss you, Buddy!
Love, E
man ....i don't even know what to say to you that hasn't been said so beautifully above...
you sure seem strong and like the fun brenda when you leave us comments. they are always so inspiring and warm...pull some of that strength you give us to yourself girl. i know, this IF bitch sucks big time, but we can beat her and you will adopt soon, God willing, so you're on your way.
Sending you much love and hugs and don't change who you are, just how you are...xoxoxoxoxxo luv ya bren....
I'm so sorry you've had so many things to deal with all at once. I've certainly been in a very similar place as you. It's hard. While there are many, many well-meaning people (self included) that want nothing more than for you to return to your old self. Remember, we all like you whether it's your old self or your new self. But, only time will truly help you get beyond it.
I can tell you that when I was in a similar place, I began taking Wellbutrin. It helped me a lot. In hindsight, I wish I'd started seeing a counselor as well. Sometimes it's all just too much to deal with. But, never give up on yourself. You are a strong person and you will rise again. I just know it. ((big hugs))
I'm thinking of you.
You doin okay? Haven't heard from you in a bit. ((HUGS))
Haven't heard from you in a while and I'm starting to get a bit worried. I hope everything is ok...
Brenda? You all right? You've been very quiet and I'm getting worried...
xxx
Thinking of you today, dear.
Hey - hope all is well with you.
Just checking in. I hope everything is okay, you've been quiet lately.
I just wanted to see how you're doing and how that nasty ED is doing these days.
I miss you and I'm praying for you,
Polly
Just sent you an email.
Just wanted to say that I miss my B and hope you'll come back soon, when you're ready to.
((((hugs)))))
Your Pest Truly,
Pam
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