- Ba.rnes and No.ble categorizes adoption books with step-parenting, parenting after divorce, and child behavioral problems. What a comforting thought to start with.
- Ba.rnes and No.ble strategically places adoption books in between pregnancy books and children with special needs books and right next to the entire hell that is the children's book section.
- Ba.rnes and No.ble on a Sunday afternoon is the new "it" place to let your children run rampant and scream bloody murder for no apparent reason.
- The few adoption books that I did find were those that deal with the trauma a child feels when they are taken from their birthmom - as early as infancy.
- I am so glad I left M at home for this one because I don't want his first introduction into the adoption world to make him question this new option.
- I am done with Ba.rnes and No.ble.
"Is she trying to get pregnant?"
- "The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies"
- "The Empty Picture Frame: An Inconceivable Journey Through Infertility"
- "The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child"
- "Adoption for Dummies" - M's choice LOL
- "Adoption Is a Family Affair!: What Relatives and Friends Must Know"
Lots of reading ahead, but we are moving forward. Right now CCRM and Dr. Schoolcraft feel more like a formality and a stepping stone to close a chapter of our lives. If he gives us the go ahead to cycle we still will, but to be completely honest I refuse to put any hope in this option right now. Something has switched in both mine and M's heads and hearts. Adoption, which once seemed so scary and beyond our reality of comprehension, is now something that has us both excited and hopeful. We know there is a baby out there just for us even if he/she comes from outside our gene-pool.
22 comments:
I read The Infertility Cure and The Empty Picture Frame. Good books. I gave up going to the bookstores. I decided to order online with Amazon cuz it's exactly what you said. You want to scream bloody murder with these kids running around.
Though adoption's not for everybody, but I think it's just something beautiful and amazing. If babes were more acceptable about it, I would have seriously gone ahead to investigate further. My cousin adopted a beautiful son and everytime he calls me, Aunty Pam, my heart melts and though he's not blood-related, he's family and I love him to bits.
Whatever your options are, I'll be happy for you as long as you're happy.
big warm huggies coming your way from me and smelly brandy. :)
Geez, B&N sounds like a complete nightmare! Amazon sounds like a better option all around. I know your baby is out there somewhere. {{hugs}}
Great reading coming your way it seems my friend! Enjoy it :)
B.arnes and N.obles can suck it! (I know, I'm eloquent) I had the same problem as you and decided that A.mazon was just the way to go.
I am so happy to hear that you're fixing your sails in this new and hopeful direction. You still have some options at CCRM, but I understand wanting to point in one direction and having lost hope for paths you've already been down. This whole IF business is harrowing, so it's good to hear you're coming to a better place.
I cant do B&N--simply b/c our store seems to have overly eager clerks and have always been up in my bidness--and Im not all for sharing my reading needs with a stranger. Ill put in another vote for Amazon=) Then you can take those good books to a quiet coffee shop and tuck yourself into a corner.
Been thinking lots about you--sorry I have not been able to comment more, but you have definitely been in my thoughts.
I experienced the "B&N-kick you in the crotch when your down" senario when we first started seeing our RE. Haven't been back since.
Of course, going to the grocery store is not a far stretch.
I am happy that you are exploring all your options and I am sure that in the end, it will not matter which way it happens.
We are completely and totally in the exact same place. I was going to write a post about it today or tomorrow...but just haven't had the time (or energy - been sick). I got a call from another mother with a different fertility clinic to talk to me about different treatment options (and how amazing and what a blessing it has been for their family...and she is pregnant again...and do I feel like trying one more time...). In the past I would have felt rejuvenated and ready to shoot up. But by the end of my call, I was talking with her about adoption - and then she started to share that both her and her husband have felt that they would like more children after this pregnancy and they are looking at adoption...interesting twist on what is usually a very pro "do just one more trial" call...
We will talk more soon...I am done rambling right now.
Yup... seems we can't visit many public places anymore. It's such a nightmare. Amazon all the way.
I salute you for your energy. The infertility hamster wheel has zapped my energy, but you are doing the right thing to get educated. All in good time, I guess.
Thinking of you always,
E
I have never read your blog before but I am SO with you! We just did that walk and I was amazed at the placement of their books. I went to the library and got a few. I have to tell you I felt horrible for considering adoption after about 30 pages of 20 things adop kids wish a-parents knew. Like we are stealing this baby away and causing all this pain. I am now about to start raising adopted children and being adopted; the lifelong journey for self. We'll see how they are.
I did find the best adoption geared baby book at b&n and had to buy it. GL with your adoption journey!
I am happy that you are hopeful again! There is a baby out there and you are doing the right things to find him or her.
I have been buying books on adoption for the past year or so. I know exactly what you mean about what a hassle it is. I also noticed the placement of adoption books on the shelves. Not very helpful...they are usually crammed up on the highest shelf or shoved down on the lowest one!
I'm glad you were able to get some books. The Infertility Cure is a good book. I read it when I started going to acupuncture. The acupuncturist recommended it.
The Empty Picture Frame was good - I just read that a month or two ago.
Guess what?? The two adoption books we bought together were Adoption for Dummies (Steve's pick) and the Complete Adoption Book (my pick!)
I've hear that Adoption is a FAmiy Affair is a good book, too.
I also liked A Love Like No Other: Stories from Adoptive Parents and Adoptive Families magazine. Usually I can find it at Borders. (Unfortunately it's with the pregnancy magazines.) The articles are very good.
I'm glad that you feel hopeful again.
What is up w/lodging the adoption books in that psycho spot at B&N's??
ARGH!!!
I too am glad you didn't take hubby - I think B&N's perspective is highly skewed and I know how sensitive DH's can be to that. Gotta make this easy for them.
Looking forward to reading the cliff notes you'll provide ... happy reading!
I had a summer college job at the headquarters of that "bookstore", and it was the worst corporate nightmare I've ever had to muddle my way through. Books are just widgets to them, anyway, so I'm sure it doesn't matter where they put books which are never going to be best-sellers.
Yay for Amazon! Sounds like things are going in a positive direction...
I quickly realized I'd better make my Amazon wishlist private, considering all my scary-ass book selections.
But I LOVE reading up on all these topics. The scary part, though, is how I now feel too "veteran" for the mountain of IF books I got ages ago. I smirk at them, thinking "oh yeah? let me tell YOU!"
Good luck with the adoption info search. I find my open-ness to it seems to ebb and flow (despite the fact that I was adopted myself).
One Resolve leader recommended reading lots of memoir, personal essay type books about adoption when you start out as opposed to the "technical" books. I can see that -- especially to help you figure out which kind of adoption (if any) is right for you. It is more of a heart thing than a head thing.
Barnes and Noble sounds like they suck big monkey balls when it comes to adoption stuff, huh? I hope you have better luck with Amazon - and that things continue to move forward.
I know that a lot of people will chime in with their thoughts on adoption and other things....but I just wanted to say that I think it is such a beautiful and selfless thing to do that shows you are totally giving your whole self for the love of that child. Did I ever share with you that my older brother and sister are both adopted? They are about 8 and 10 years older than me, my parents adopted them when they each were a few months old. They aren't related to each other, and we adopted a couple of years apart. My parents had tried for a few years to have kids and couldn't. 17 years after they got married I was a surprise. I know that's not the norm - and it's the infertility urban myth we all hate to hear people tell us. But the point of my ramble is just to show not that side of things - but how much I have seen the beauty of adoption firsthand.
I am so grateful that my parents gave so much of themselves to my brother and sister. I am blessed to have them as my siblings and none of that would be possible and my life wouldn't be as great as it is today if they had not adopted them. Thank you so much for all of the encouragement lately - you are such as kind person!
Wow! Was I behind on your posts or what? Holy cow, Brenda! Doesn't it feel great to have some options and different scenarios worked out in your head? This is such awesome news. I'd like to chat via email about the domestic adoption stuff as as soon as I get some time.
Glad to hear you are moving onward and upward! Best of luck to you!
Hey! I'm an Ethiopia PAP (in the UK) and have just found your blog...
this book is annoyingly out of print, and also kind of out of date in places, but I would still HUGELY, HUGELY recommend 'adoption after infertility' by someone whose name I can't remember. Really. It's kind of split into three parts, and the second two thirds are average, but the first part (about thinking about adopting) is just so hugely helpful, it's embarrassing how often I've read it. I got it from the 'new and used' section from amazon. This woman has done some huge thinking about the issues, and if you're on the starting stages, I just can't recommend it enough.
As you say, I'm convinced that Amazon is the ONLY place to get books on these issues. I just don't want to have to face someone while I pay for any book with 'fertility' in the title...
Sorry for this random comment! I guess what I really mean to say is hi!
Yes...online shopping definitely sounds like the best way to go. :)
I'm so happy for you that you feel like you have options now. Will you be posting book reviews? I'd love to see which ones suck and which ones are awesome.
Ah bren, missed you so. I am SO happy for your new step...adoption as long as you and and M are good with it, I think its awesome. I just know your baby is waiting for you....talk later...going to catch up now... xoxoxoxo
Just my little weekend check in to say hi to one of my favorite girls! Hope you're having a good one :-)
I am so cautiously excited for you to see that you are considering adoption.
Your baby IS out there somewhere, I hope he/she finds you soon, no matter the route!
((HUGS))
I checked out the Empty Picture frame book - it looks good and hasn't gotten anything less than five stars. I just had a thought, that one of the hardest parts of this process is actually succoming to the term "infertile" and using it to describe yourself.
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