Why does finding this have to be so hard?
On Monday, S. acted like nothing had even happened over the weekend. I'm not sure which hurts me more - the way that I found out she was pregnant or that she sees nothing wrong with how it happened. I have completely lost my "game face" for pretending I am happy when I'm really not, so maybe therapy is helping after all. It's like there is an 8000 lb elephant in our office right now. None of us have mentioned the "p" word and things are just tense. Our desks are literally connected and I can see her out of the corner of my eye when I'm staring at my computer so there is no "break". I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I just don't want to deal with this shit at work.
My 40-something-going-on-12 year old supervisor stopped by today and shoved something under his shirt to make his belly stick out and tease S. I looked when he came in and turned back to my computer when I noticed what he was doing and proceeded to ignore him completely. Always good to ignore your supervisor, right? Yes, this is a professional work place and sadly if he didn't do this, one of the others would have. This is the shit I am dreading over the next months because this is the kind of stuff the guys do where I work. They are pranksters and S. is someone you can joke and have fun with.
This is where I struggle with this "balance" part. S. is a great friend and I want her to fully be able to enjoy her pregnancy and have fun joking with everyone. I want this to be a happy time for her and I want her to be able to talk openly and not hide things because of me. I do realize that the world doesn't revolve around me and my infertility and I want all this for her, BUT (there is always a but) I don't want to see or hear any of it. I know she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. Of course that backfired, but I do know her heart was in the right place.
I wish switching offices was an option, but we are stacked 3 to an office for a reason. Unless I want to set up a permanent position in that disgusting work bathroom, I am pretty much stuck where I am. If anyone has any ideas on how you have handled a similar situation, I would love to hear it. The sleep I am losing over this is killing me.
I want to send a giant thanks wrapped in a hug to still standing strong in a bloom of hope for her extra special post yesterday. I love you my friend. If you haven't been by to visit her I would highly recommend it. She is a tell-it-like-it is kind of girl with a heart of gold.
About Me
- Lost in Space
- On the planet since 1973. Living in sin with M since 1997 and honestly since 2002. Failing at baby-making since 2005. And whining about it here since 2008. Come on in and sit a spell. This train wreck never seems to end.
14 comments:
I have a secret fear of this happening - my friends getting pregnant and not telling me to not hurt me. But I'd much rather know. My only IRL friend who I talk to about IF held back from teling me she was pregnant at first. I've tried to make it clear to her to please share with me, I'd rather she doesn't try to hide from me, because that just makes me feel even more different.
If S is your good friend, why don't you consider pulling her aside and telling her you are happy for her and don't want her to feel like she has to hide from you? I know it will be hard to see her pregnant and have to hear about it, but I know for myself, I'd rather that than someone feeling sorry for me and trying to spare my feelings.
Hope that helps. :)
I have the same fear of my friends getting pg and not telling me. Actually my cousin's wife right now is expecting their SEVENTH CHILD right now and I only know because he told my mom. Not me. And I've talked to him on the phone. TWICE. UGH. Many hugs to you as you have to endure this. NCML
Oh hun, that totally blows. Pretty much everyone in my office had babies before I did. One coworker even called me in tears once because she had unprotected sex and got pregnant and didn't want to be. This was AFTER I had poured my heart out to her many times about Hubby and I's struggles to become parents. Sometimes is amazes me how people can't see past their own noses. So sorry hun. ((hugs))
AWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! giving you a 8000 lb elephant hug..that's how big my hug is to you! :)
I don't know why people behave this way... i have the same fear as well and i think they're afraid of telling me. I had an incident yesterday. A friend who is preggy (but of course!) called me and I thought she'd be more understanding towards what I am going through cuz she was trying for a baby for a year odd. So, imagine my horror of all horrors when she went PLEASE! JUST RELAX! CLOMID DOESN'T DO THAT TO YOU!
I swear, my Crocodile demon was just bursting out to SNAP! But I was rushing to meet a girlfriend for lunch as she was waiting for me to park. And I couldn't multi-task! SNAP? MEET GIRLFRIEND NOW? SNAP? I decided to just let her go and said HEY, GOT TO GO, TALK TO YA LATER...So, GAH!!!!!!!!!!
Again, I'll never know why people behave this way? GAH!
I'm so so sorry you have to have it in your face all the time. I have a major fear of my coworker that shares my office getting pregnant - they are trying in the fall.
Hang in there. I wish I had something better to say.
A few things:
1. This situation just sucks. Not sure how to rectify it. In fact, I went through the same thing at work this year (close buddy got PG on IUI#1). I began to (not deliberately, just sorta happened) drift away from her pregnancy. We were thick as theives during the infertiles times, but the pregnancy brought her to a new world where I no longer fit in. Now that the baby is here, I feel further away than ever. It makes me so sad, but I just came to mourn it as a consequence of infertility. It kills our spirits, ravages our bodies, depletes our wallets, tests our marriages and sometimes costs us friendships. I'd advise you to have a talk with S, but I'm not honestly sure I could have that talk with my friend. It's just so tough and so personal.
2. Your supervisor is a meatstick. Is he aware of your IF situation? I can't imagine what it's like to work with 98% men.
Hang in there friend.
E
When you describe your supervisor, all I can picture is Michael from "The Office." LOL!
I just realized I haven't added you to my blogroll yet. Doing it now. I hope you don't mind. :)
Well, shite. I was hoping S. would step up and acknowledge the 8000 lb elephant in the room, but I guess not. I agree with SAHW: it sounds like she's waiting for a cue from you. My guess is that the tension will ease as soon as you say something like you really are happy for her. She may feel guilty and afraid to hurt you more by bringing it up and not sure if she should bring it up or not.
No doubt about it, this is going to be a rough nine months. You will be okay, though. We're here to help you get through it.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this coming at you from every direction. If I could take it all away, I certainly would. I hope you find peace in this situation soon.
I hate PG women in the office and avoid them like the plague. I'm sorry you can't do that with S. I hope that with time, the 2 of you can work things out, because it sucks to have that added stress at work. Can you invite her out for lunch and talk, just the 2 of you?
Good luck
Is your supervisor named Michael Scott? that's the first thing I thought of when I read that. dumbass. I hope things get easier for you soon!
My co-worker's daughter got pregnant on accident.. seemingly right after we started infertility treatments... It has been hell. What used to be a pretty good friendship has turned rotten because I can't stand to hear her talk about it... CONSTANTLY.
I wish I could give some words of advice, but unfortunately our friendship was only work related to begin with and just wasn't strong enough and we weren't close enough to withstand something like that. She still CAN'T see past her own nose and thinks that I would actually enjoy planning the baby shower and helping with all of that. I'll tell you, that is the last thing I want to do. I HOPE that your relationship with your friend is stronger than mine was.. I really hope you can work through it.. I wasn't able to, and it is still so hard... I have to tell her this week that I just can't go to the baby shower. AND-She will never come close to understanding why...
L.A. WOMAN!! We should start a local blog support group or something. Or maybe have a "blog union." Preferably with martinis. ;)
Keep in touch, OK?? Here's my email address: lupuspie at gmail dot com.
I'm so sorry S. is acting like nothing happened. I can't believe that she didn't say something to you in private about being pg. One of my coworkers did that to me; she told me quietly before she told anyone else (other than my boss.) Unfortunately, there's also the other coworker who told me she was pg SECONDS after I told her we were not pg for yet another month. Some people really can't see past themselves.
I hope that at some point you can talk about all this with her. I also hope that she's as good a friend as you are and that she'll be able to understand a little of what you're dealing with.
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