Seriously, I am waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and say, "You've been punk'd!"
Today has just been one of those aftermath kind of days. You know the kind where you just keep running things over in your head about the previous days events - what you wish you would have said or done. I've also been stressing about going into work tomorrow and dealing with S. I love this girl like a sister and we often joke that she is my black twin and vice versa as we are alike in so many ways - apparently fertility and sensitivity are not on that list. At least at work, I have been able to leave my fertility issues behind. Now everyday I will get to watch her growing belly as a reminder of something we can't seem to do. Please don't take this to read that I am not happy for her. I wouldn't wish this fertility nightmare on my worst enemy and I am happy that she didn't have to struggle. I know I'm not alone in my difficulty with pregnant belly thoughts and while I am sorry there are so many of you who understand this, I am also grateful to not feel so alone. I know you all "get it" and your thoughts and comments on my last post brought me to tears many times today.
I wish I could say this was the end of my day and tears, but I just had a 2 hour phone conversation with my best friend. You all know when the conversation turns to, "We've been friends for a long time, right?" that you are about to hear something you don't want to. I mean I knew it was coming. Her son will be 3 in September so it wouldn't be long before she was calling to tell me that #2 is on the way. I appreciate how she told me as I know it wasn't easy for her either. We have been friends since kindergarten and I am genuinely happy for her, but I am just so sad right now for M. and I. Why is this so fucking hard for us?
So, please, if you see Ashton, tell him I am tired of his joke and ready for it to end. I have had enough for one weekend. Feeling beat up and knocked down tonight.......
About Me
- Lost in Space
- On the planet since 1973. Living in sin with M since 1997 and honestly since 2002. Failing at baby-making since 2005. And whining about it here since 2008. Come on in and sit a spell. This train wreck never seems to end.
11 comments:
((hugs))
You are definitely not alone. Being happy for other people doesn't mean that you can't be really, really said for yourself.
big hugs..i'm so sorry that you're feeling down..
i went back for X'mas last year and i pushed away my pain and frustrations, and followed my best friend to see the doctor. She suspected she was pregnant. I cried and hugged her when I saw the 2 lines that I so longed to see. I cried cuz i was part happy for her; part sad for me. I wasn't sure if i could cope with the pain. She is my best friend and unlike her first kid who is my god-daughter, i feel very hard dealing with her 2nd pregnancy. I feel, as her best friend, I have failed in so many ways..and i miss our trips to the gym with our ice-cream in tow, i miss our drunk moments, i miss our long conversations and it doesn't help that i'm not in the same country with her..i miss her so badly, but i just can't cope with her growing belly.
Oh, why am i crying all over again, just typing this?
Damned you Ashton, it's not funny anymore.
Big hugs..i dedicated my last post for you! hope that helps you. I may be very far away but I'm here everyday...Hugs *not letting go*
Sending you much hugs girl.
I totally know how you feel. It seems everyone in Cairo is pregnant now. I have mixed feelings, I am happy of course for them, but sad for myself sometimes too. I try to not feel sad, but it is something that will never go away I'm afraid.
Anyway just wanted to send you a virtual hug my friend xoxoxoxo
I hope you find some peace in all situations soon. {{hugs}}
I'm sending you virtual hugs. Being happy for another person, does not take away from wanting it for yourself, and being sad for what you're going through.
Its a brave, honorable thing when you can be supportive and happy for someone that has something you want so badly-kudos to you. Big hugs for you...
You are not alone. It is hard not to feel sad for yourself even though you are happy for that person. It is o.k. to feel sad about it. I think every time I hear about another pregnancy or birth I grieve for myself.
((((hugs))))
Hi there, Hope you're feeling better today! I've tagged you.. Please visit my blog to find out more! :)
xoxo.
Via NaComLeavMo.
I'm so sorry... what a difficult situation. I had to avoid the preggos in our office like the plague. One girl brought in her baby, and I practically bolted to the bathroom when she started handing her around. (This particular coworker wanted to get pregnant right away, so they started trying the month they were getting married. She discovered she was pregnant on their honeymoon.) Hugs, girl.
I hope things weren't too awkward today and that your friend admitted her mistake. This IF stuff is so hard that sometimes it does feel like a cruel, cruel joke. Big hugs to you.
Stupid fertile people. :)
I completely understand what you are going through - over the last 9 months, 4 people in my office have either gotten pregnant or had a baby so it's constantly the talk around the water cooler. It sucks.
Hang in there and try to be as supportive as you can.
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