Moving on and getting out

M. and I are really struggling in such different ways right now. Coping and dealing with your spouse is the area of most infertility books and websites that I have only glossed over because it is the one area that I thought we had a pretty good handle on. Apparently a failed IVF and figuring out what to do next is our breaking point. I know we will pull through all this, but things on the marriage-front really suck right now. Really suck. I don't want to paint a bad picture of M. because he is doing the best he can. I wouldn't want to deal with me either. LOL. We just need to figure out how to move on together.

I went over to a girlfriend's house yesterday for a girl's day potluck get together. Normally, I would have declined because we all know that conversations with this many women eventually turn to babies, etc and I am just not in the place where I can "play it off" right now. The woman hosting is 5 years younger than me as were most of the others there. I had met most of them previously and know their "stories" from my friend:

• 2 young-uns (21-22) who are both single
• 3 in the 28-29 range who are all single
• 1 married (almost 29) and not currently trying
• 1 married (33) and just started trying
• 1 married (29) and saving for IVF: I only know this through my friend
• and me

It was the perfect mix of people for me right now. Nobody rushing to get home to their babies. Nobody even talking about pregnancy or babies unless it was nieces/nephews. Most are just trying to find the right guy (or girl). I was there for 7 1/2 hours and was brave enough to wear eyeliner for the first time in almost 2 weeks. I'm okay with being the "old lady" of the group. It just felt good to laugh and not think about IF for awhile.