I think I need to take a step away from the blogosphere for a bit...... I just need to sort some things out in my own head before flinging them out to the world wide web for all to see.
I'm tired of listening to myself bitch and whine.
I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with everything just because everyone around me thinks I should be by now.
I'm tired of trying for the sake of just believing I will "fake it until I make it".
I'm tired of sporting a broken smile because mine seems to be lost.
I'm tired of feeling guilty because I can't be the kind of friend that I need to be for so many right now (both IRL and in blogland).
I'm just really tired these days.......
I'm not sure how long I'll be gone - could be a few days, could be a few weeks, could be a few months. A huge thanks to everyone who has followed and supported me along the way. It has meant more than I can even begin to express here....
About Me
- Lost in Space
- On the planet since 1973. Living in sin with M since 1997 and honestly since 2002. Failing at baby-making since 2005. And whining about it here since 2008. Come on in and sit a spell. This train wreck never seems to end.
39 comments:
Brenda, I just wanted to support you in your decision to take a break ... we will miss you.
Take all the time you need we will be here with hugs when you get back.
With much love,
Polly
Delurking to send you hugs. I can understand your need for a break and hope you can find some peace and a way forward.
Sounds like you need it. Take care, and don't rush yourself.
Take what time you need...thinking of you.
I will miss you very much, but I understand your need for a break. I hope you're able to figure things out and begin to heal. I wish you peace, my friend. You'll be in my thoughts. (((hugs)))
I'll definitely miss you LOADS, B! U've been so inspirational and I love the way you write from the heart.
I do understand the need for a break. Just know that I'm always thinking of you and that I'll never be tired of listening to you.
Huge hugs,
P.
ps. I wish I could give you a hug now or my specialty - banana bread. I swear, my banana bread is much better these days. I'll give you a huge virtual hug *not letting go*
I think a break is a great idea - although we will all miss your witty and heartfelt posts.
May you find peace and clarity during this time. You will be in our thoughts.
I can totally understand your need for a break...We all understand and will be here when you get back!
We'll be here for you when you come back. A break is understandable. You will be missed B! I hope you can find peace with whichever path you choose to take in the future. Much love...
We'll miss you (duh!) but I completely understand the need to just be for a while. And process. Or just do absolutely nothing. Thinking of you!
I would imaging that you start to feel simultaneously indignant and embarrassed about your desire to fling poo at everyone and everything all the time. Sometimes we need to rage and cry alone. And that's ok.
Hugs and luv and luv and hugs
Take all the time you need. We will miss you..but totally understand...and will be here for you when you return. Hugs.
You do whatever is best for YOU. We'll all be here for your return. I hope you find peace and contentment. Will miss your posts. Hugs
I hope you find some peace.
Take care of yourself.
Needing to step away is completely understandable given the wringer you've been through. Take all the time you need and we'll be here when you get back. I will miss your heartfelt posts as they always strike such a chord within me. Hugs.
Brenda, I completely understand your need to step away and take a break. Take all the time you need and know that when you come back we'll be here waiting with open arms. ((HUGS)) and love to you my dear friend!
I would like to reccommend a parting song. I find it incredibly theraputic.
Wind And The Mountain
By Liz Phair
You lose your way
You've gotta land
You've gotta make another plan
But sometimes I am too tired
You've gotta smile
You've gotta play
You've gotta work another day
But sometimes I am too tired
You've gotta raise your hand and say
I don't understand
But there are days when I'm to tired
There are days when I'm just too tired
And the wind that I'm in
Screams on me
Howls around me
And I feel like I am a naked man
I've got nothing and no one in a stranger's land
And the wind will do me in
Everyday
You've gotta run
You've got a job
You get it done
But sometimes I am too tired
You wanna roll in the grass
Kick your shoes off
Have a laugh
But sometimes I am too tired
I wanna raise my hand and say
I don't understand
But there are days when I'm to tired
There are days when I'm just too tired
And the wind kicks in again and says
Lean on me
Rise above me
And it says
Sailor don't leave the channel now
Deep blue rollers are breaking across your bow
And the wind will guide you in
So I went up the mountain
But all I saw was another mountain
So I came down the mountain
And I said, "leave me here lord"
So I went up the mountain
And all I saw was anouther mountain
So I came down the mountain
And I said, leave me here lord
Leave me in the valley
Let me rest my weary head
Give peace to your survivor
Put all my fears to bed
You lose your way
You've gotta land
You've gotta make another plan
But sometimes I am inspired
You're gonna sing another song
You're gonna right another wrong
And sometimes I am inspired
You're gonna raise your hand and say
I don't understand
There are days when you get an answer
There are days when you find your answer
I 100% get it. Your sanity and well-being are your #1 priority, and if you need time away from this space, by all means take the time. Of course we'll miss you, but more so I think we all wish for you healing and strength. I'll selfishly hope that you return to blogging at some point, when you're ready--I've loved getting to know you through your heartfelt and honest, beautiful writing.
Take the time you need, and like many others, I selfishly hope you will return. {{{hugs}}}
totally understand but know we will all be here when you come back...still supporting you and loving you.
you take the time you need for YOU. this is about YOU and nobody else...and if people want you to be okay already, that's there bad.
((hugs))
Going through the grieving process is really hard. It's been harder than I thought it would be, but when I remember back to last year, it makes sense. I think the first three months were the worse. By six months, I was beginning to feel better and was off the anti-depressants. I'm still grieving from last year's loss and this year's too.
I understand the need to take a break, but please, don't feel bad because you come here to express your non-rosey feelings. We need women like you who show what it's all about. You aren't the only one going through this. What has helped me is knowing that I'm not alone. I'll miss your heartfelt posts. Keep doing what you do. It's why everyone loves you! Whatever you have to do to get through this, do it!
P.S. I created a folder in my google reader called "The P Word" where I put all the blogs I used to follow of now pregnant women. That way, I don't have to read those blogs and get triggered if I don't want to!
Take as much time as you need to refresh. It does wonders. We'll be here when you get back :)
-Mr. Shelby
You know how much we'll miss you! But if you need a break - please take one. And Be incredibly nice to yourself during said break. Will be thinking of you. xxx
Hi - this is the first time I have commented, but I felt it was important to do so. I found your blog about 3 months ago - following my first mc. I have gone through IVF five times and can't even begin to tell you how completely alone I have felt most of the time. Even with an amazing DH. I started reading your blog and it felt as if the words were my own. I really hope this doesn't sound weird ;)! We are both the same age and I feel like I have identified so much with the day-to-day things you have written about. I have been having a hard time lately, and even went to my primary care doctor, to ask for something to help! What a disaster that was. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am here and feeling literally the exact way you have discribed feeling. I hope you are able to enjoy your break, recharge, and do whatever you need to do for you! Isn't that the crappiest part of all of this, everyone tells me to do whatever is best for me, but really whatever is best for me is what I am working on (a baby) and can't seem to get which makes me more depressed! LOL what an awful cycle. Okay, I have rambled long enough. If you are ever looking for another sister in infertlity, feel free to drop me an email luv4life93 at yahoo dot com. Sincerly, Carrie
No explanation needed.
Recharge. Regroup. Move forward.
Wait for strength. I believe it will come to you. And when it does, we'll be here, waiting.
XoXoXoX
Will continue thinking of you.
Bren - I'll always be here. As I take my break with you. Hugs to you, sister. You have a lot of people on your team - here cheering for you through it all.
Take whatever time you need and feel whatever you need to feel. There is no timeline for these things - it'll just happen when it happens, whatever "it" is.
Take good care of yourself.
Sweetie while your taking your break, could you please email me??? Or comment on my blog with your email addy... I have something I need to ask you.
I completely understand your need for space and am proud of you for not only recognizing what you need, but being able to express it.
Your own peace of mind, above all, is most important during all of this.
I asked for those around me to give me space during my first IVF that just failed. For the most part, everyone's been understanding.
Taking care of yourself is the most important thing. Hoping your break from the blogosphere gives you some peace.
Brenda,
I understand needing a break from things. I hope you can take whatever time you need to just "be." Whatever that means to you and your DH. You know that I'm here for you no matter what, no matter when.
Wendy
Take all the time you need! You will be missed and thought of often! HUGS
I know how you feel. it's exhausting on so many levels...take care of yourself for now. let me know if there's anything I can do to help. oxoxox, PJ
I get it, absolutely. You're so honest and self-reflective and supportive in this world - I can imagine how hard it would be to stay that invested and also be able to find a new balance and perspective.
Take all the time you need.
B, I'll miss your updates but I'm going to have to send you some email love while you're on your break ok?
Just to stay in touch!
Take good care of yourself.
HUGS and LOVE!!!
xxx
Take all the time you need. I'll miss your posts but I totally understand where you are coming from. Take care of yourself and I wish you peace on the journey. ((hugs))
Hi, B. Just wanted to tell ya that I miss ya and I miss coming to your blog everyday.
Sending you some love and more.
Take care, you now.
xoxo.
P.
Brenda, although our situations are very different...I am feeling the same way. Take as much time as you need and we'll be here to support you whenever you come back. (((hugs)))
Brenda, I know you're on a break (and you damn well deserve it!). But if/when you're ready to come back, everyone's going to welcome you with open arms and renewed well wishes!
Whenever that happens, I wanted to let you know that I've gone undercover :) (just made my blog private)
Please send me an email to skygarrett@yahoo.com so I can add you to the list. You'll only have to sign in once then and check off "remember me" and I think that's it, it'll be open to you always in future.
Hugs!
Sky
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