Today would be your 63rd birthday, Dad. Wow. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that it has been 10 birthdays that you have been gone now. I was 25 when you died, but looking back it seems I was only a baby then. I have changed so much in many ways and yet am still the same little girl you always knew. I wish you could know me as a "real" adult, out of school, and paving my own way. I finished graduate school, married M, and we still live in California where we bought our first home. You would love M's old antique car and I'm sure you would make him take you for a ride driving much too fast. I think you would be proud of me. Yes, I'm still screwing things up here and there and still insist on doing things my own special "Brenda way", but my heart is good and I try my best to live a life you would be proud of.
I still think of you everyday and am constantly reminded of (or look for you) in my daily adventures.... the 'Huskers, fixing or building or anything tools, old Westerns, bendy straws, "This Old House", cars I know you love, any wheelchair, gel cushions, Neutrogena shampoo, Old Spice, felt tip pens, 4E shoes.... the list goes on and on. There is a man where I work who has a similar haircut, glasses, and facial features as you did. I don't know him and don't see him often, but I am certain he thinks I am nuts because of how I try to study his face and mannerisms and speech whenever our paths cross. It's what I suspect you would have looked/acted like had you not become sick. Just seeing him upright and walking or hearing his clear speech along with his strong "dad" features makes me smile knowing this is how you are now - walking and talking.
I hope it is okay that we gave Mom our "blessing" to date. She was only 48 when you died and while we all know you could never be replaced, we just want her to find happiness anyway she can again. You and I both know she will never do it, but we like her to know that she has our support. Nearly 10 years that you have been gone and she still says, "How can I even begin to look when I was already blessed with the best?" Yup, nobody can compare to you.
I hope you are happy and are celebrating today. I can imagine you tinkering, racing, wrecking, and repairing cars during the day followed by a couple beers in the evening while shootin' the shit with G-pa Joe. (For the record, you know he is the one I picked up my potty mouth from, right?)
Loving and thinking of you always,
B
About Me
- Lost in Space
- On the planet since 1973. Living in sin with M since 1997 and honestly since 2002. Failing at baby-making since 2005. And whining about it here since 2008. Come on in and sit a spell. This train wreck never seems to end.
24 comments:
Brenda, that was so beautiful and made me cry. It sounds like your dad was such a wonderful man and a great dad. I know he would be proud of you. HUGS.
B, I am a bawling mess here! Your dad sounds like an amazing man and whether you have a potty mouth or not, I'm sure he loves you for who you are. Wherever he is, he is celebrating too and he is looking out for ya.
Wrapping you in a big hug.
ps. When I read this post, I immediately thought of this dance that I saw last year on So You Think You Can Dance: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=jRctSpcYdzo
I'm dedicating it to you. HUGS AGAIN.
What a post. **sniff**
Happy Birthday, Brenda's Dad! I know you would be proud of her.
Gorgeous post! Your dad sounds so loveable, I feel like I can really picture what kind if person he was. He's definitely proud of you.
Aw Brenda, I'm shedding tears here. Even though he is no longer here physically, I know he is with you in your heart. I also know he would be so, so proud of the daughter you've become. A kind, compassionate, caring soul who is always thinking of others. Hugs...
Very touching, this got me all choked up. Happy Birthday Brenda's dad!
Awww Brenda... Such a beautiful tribute to your dad. You're quite adept at the tear-jerkers missy :o)
Wishing you great things on this day.
Best wishes,
Anna
What a beautiful post. I'm sorry he had to leave you so early. Sending you a great big hug.
What a sweet and poignant post B. I am sorry you are without your dad on Earth today, but know he is with you! He would have been so proud of the thoughtful, passionate, and caring woman you have become.
How incredibly sweet. I'm all sniffly over here! Happy Birthday to him indeed!
((HUG))
I'm sniveling, B! Just verklempt.
It's such a beautiful letter. I often talk to my mom the same way and think of how nice it is to have a guardian angel looking after me.
People told me it would get easier with time, but it doesn't really. I think you just grow more accustomed to the grief.
Hugs to you.
This post was lovely and made me cry when I read it at 6:30 this morning. I know your Dad is so proud of you and who you've become.
This was a great post. Happy Birthday Brenda's Papa!
What a beautiful way to remember your dad. I'm sure he is one of your angels watching over you now.
What a beautiful birthday letter to your dad. I know he is in heaven watching over you each and every day.
I lost my dad to cancer when I was 21 and he was sick for years ~ this post had me bawling!!!
I'm sitting over her all teary eyed. What a nice post for you dad :-)
This is beautiful! I am sure your dad is so very proud of you!
I loved reading about your dad, Brenda. He must be so proud of you.
Your post is beautiful. What a tribute to your father.
A magical post, B.
People keep telling me that every loss we face in life is meant to shape our character. Although I hate hearing that (particularly from people who never seem to face loss), I do believe that we are better and stronger due to our losses. Time passes, but your dad will always be with you. So much of the wonderful, successful person you are is because of dad... his life and his death. I will always want to hear you talk about him. And in my mind, I can see the twinkle that flashes in your eyes when you observe that colleague.
You're one in a million, Brenda... just like your dad.
Love!!!!
E
That was a beautiful post. I came to check out your blog when Polly posted on mine that you were doing a cycle with CCRM and taking Saizen since I had questions. I ended up reading a really beautiful post about your dad and crying (nothing new on that part). So, happy birthday to your dad. You are lucky to have had him for even as long as you did and he would be incredibly proud of who you've become.
Awww, what a sweet tribute and letter to your Dad. He sounds like an amazing man and I'm sure he would be proud of you, too.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Wow. This was very moving. Your dad probably teared up too as he was looking down on you from the sky as you were typing up this letter to him. You are such a fantastic, accomplished, smart woman and he knows that!
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