AMA and other torture

I had planned to ride out my birthday under the radar, but many of you figured out on Facebook** that I am now officially of advanced maternal age (AMA). Yes, that big, fancy, magical 35 where my eggs are expected to be even more abnormal, fragile, and on their way to drying up completely, the genetic defects and pregnancy complications are increased, and the length of time expected to get pregnant continues to extend just outside our reach. This is the 4th birthday I have "celebrated" that we have been trying to make a baby. Once again, we end it with "Maybe next year........"


With all my new found AMA glory, I celebrated the day in true infertile style with a visit to see my old RE, Dr. K for an endometrial biopsy (as requested by Dr. Schoolcraft at CCRM). If I could offer up any assvice to my fellow infertiles, this was a very bad idea. I don't know why I didn't seek out information on what to expect beforehand (oh yeah, work and no time), but in all the procedures I have had to date, this ranks up there as one of the most painful. I would have chosen another day, but it needs to be done 9-11 days after my LH surge as measured by an OPK. Days 9 and 10 were packed with reviews and meetings so day 11 (my birthday) was all I could do.
I was nervous about going in to see Dr. K with orders from CCRM. I had only spoken to his nurse, a coordinator, and the lab manager to get it all squared away so I wasn't sure how Dr. K would act. In all his sweetness, he came in with a big smile and an even bigger hug. He was more concerned about how we have been doing and wanted to hear what CCRM had to say. He said he was happy to have another set of eyes on our case and thinks only good things can come of this.
He then said, "So you came to me for the painful procedure, huh?" I gave a partially puzzled look, I'm sure. Seriously, I have had so many instruments shoved up my lady bits in the last couple years that I no longer know what to make of what a male doctor considers painful. It's all a "little" uncomfortable, causes a "little" pressure, or will make you cramp a "little" and then it's over, right? He started to describe that there would be the tried and true speculum insertion, a clamp placed on my cervix, and then a catheter inserted through my cervix to the uterus. The catheter has a smaller tube inside it that he would use to withdraw to create suction at the end of the catheter. He said something about moving and rotating the smaller tube of the catheter in and out to collect small pieces of endometrial tissue. He then said because it is crucial that he gets enough tissue to sample that he would have to do this twice. Honestly, he lost me at clamped cervix, but I looked up a description online and it seemed vaguely familiar for what I remember him saying. Once I was "clamped" in place, he said, "I'm sorry, but this next part is going to really hurt."
I can usually hold my own with this pain stuff, but Dr. K suddenly looked a little more like Dr. Krueger with his spinning/rotating catheter feeling an awful lot like those infamous knife fingers that Freddy sports.



No matter how sweet he was and how much he apologized, I could not stop wincing from the pain. M jumped up when I started groaning very loudly and held my hands. I gripped onto him and got ready for round 2. Yup, just as bad. Dr. K said, "Only 10 more seconds" about half way through the 2nd grinding and I thought I was going to pass out. I broke into a cold sweat and then the shakes and teeth chattering started. It was over, but the after effects lingered on. Dr. K told me to just lie down for awhile and take it easy.
Either I am becoming soft in my old age or this procedure really does just suck, but I'm not planning to sign up for another one of these without some kind of anesthesia. Yes, it really was that bad.
Dr. K went above and beyond making sure I was okay. He wished us the best and told us if there was anything else he could do to help to just let him know. He said he would love for us to keep him in the loop with what is going on at CCRM. I told him this was our closure cycle and he gave me another big hug and said he hopes this one works for us.
Even though I had planned to go on our regular bi-monthly DQ Friday lunch run and had a meeting in the afternoon, I completely bailed on it all. I was just done. Maybe on a regular day I would have stuck it out, but I figured this was enough for my official "old lady" birthday. M drove me home and I spent the rest of the afternoon in slumberland with a half bottle of Aleve and a heating pad.
Tonight, however, I plan to celebrate with a piece of pumpkin cheesecake somewhere out there. Claim Jumper was out of it last week, but we will go door to door until I get a piece tonight. (I might even have some birthday dinner too.)


**In case you haven't yet noticed, I have yet to really figure out how this thing works. WTF are all the plants and stuff for? I don't get the games and polls and groups things either. Maybe 35 is too old to get what this is all about. Do you think they can add that to the demise that is AMA? "If you have no kids by age 35, you will never figure out the likes of Facebook or MySpace." LOL.