Sara left a comment today about how crazy the 2ww can be after IVF, particularly near the time when implantation should occur. Thank you, Sara. You can always tell when others have already lived through it. She is spot on with this and my thoughts have been nothing but a little.....ummmmm.......all over the place. Here is a sampling of the inside of my head lately:
How could this not work? There are 5 of them in there. Somebody has to want to stay.
How could this work? They only transferred 5 because the quality wasn't great.
Maybe I shouldn't lie on my stomach.
What was that twinge?
What if 4 or 5 of them stick?!?
I should finish writing that memo for work so I don't get too behind.
I wonder if I will feel implantation?
I should only wear white underwear in case I spot.
Screw work. I am not working over the holiday.
I only have enough Lovenox injections to get me through next Saturday. Next Saturday is my beta. If I order more and it is negative they will be wasted. If I don't order any by Friday and it is positive, I won't have an injection for Sunday.
I will POAS on Friday.
I am so pregnant.
There is no way I can POAS and then go to work.
I can't miss any more work.
I hate those effin' pee sticks.
I am so not pregnant.
And I wonder why I can't sleep. Between these thoughts and my pissed off bladder I am up about every 1-2 hours at night. It is not uncommon for me to get up often at night because of my interstitial cystitis (bladder wall is cracked and bleeding and hurts like a mother fucker when urine comes in contact). Since the night of ER it has been non-stop and I see every hour of the clock because I have to pee. Then I have trouble falling back asleep because of said thoughts above. Yes, the 2ww is fun!!
To add to my hysteria, I opened the biopsy results from my colonoscopy today. My primary care physician had already called to let me know that the polyp was benign. My panic came from how the paperwork was worded:
___X___ Adenomatous Polyp(s) - Benign (Pre Cancerous)
_______ Hyperplastic Polyp(s) - Benign
_______ Other (see comments)
Pre-Cancerous?!? WTF?!? Dr. Google, M.D. told me this:
Polyps are abnormal growths rising from the lining of the large intestine (colon) that protrude into the intestinal canal (lumen). Most polyps are benign (noncancerous) and cause no symptoms. Most benign polyps are classified as one of two types: adenomatous (adenomas) and hyperplastic. Adenomatous polyps (adenomas) of the colon and rectum are benign (noncancerous) growths, but may be precursor lesions to colorectal cancer. Polyps greater than one centimeter in diameter are associated with a greater risk of cancer. If polyps are not removed, they continue to grow and can become cancerous.
Seriously, without Internet I would have been panicked all weekend wondering what this "pre cancerous" thing meant. Definitions might be a nice thing to include with these results. I'm okay with it all now. My polyp was 1 cm and I have that damn family history thing going against me, but the polyp is gone and we are conscience of the issue and will stay on top of all this stuff. Had I waited another year or so though and just ignored the symptoms, who knows what the result could have been.
Okay, panic and irrational thoughts done for now. I hope all your minds are having a much more restful 4th. LOL.
About Me
- Lost in Space
- On the planet since 1973. Living in sin with M since 1997 and honestly since 2002. Failing at baby-making since 2005. And whining about it here since 2008. Come on in and sit a spell. This train wreck never seems to end.
23 comments:
Happy 4th!
And, by the way, you are so normal! I remember my thoughts being all over the place too! But, seriously- how the heck could this not work? Surely one of them will attach? Try to stay positive! I'm cheering for you...
GO 5! Stick 5, stick! F-I-V-E: Five! Yeah (picture me doing all kinds of goofy, uncoordinated jumps for you right now, arms flailing about)!
Think I'll have a drink in your honor tonight! Cheers and a toast to the fabulous five!
I totally remember being nerve-wracked in the 2ww. I felt exactly the same way; just vascillating between extreme hope and despair. I certainly wished it had been ok to toss a little valiu into that $$$$ bag of goodies that goes along with IVF.
Keeping hope alive that one or two of the fab five sticks!
Waiting and hormones; not a good combination. Well, you can't really do anything by worrying about it, so you might as well enjoy relaxing. Watch movies or read a book to keep your mind off it.
I hate the 2ww! I've had all of those irrational thoughts and then some. Totally normal. Well as normal as can be expected for hormonal women like us!!
Wow. 5 embies. I hope that you get a sticky bean (or two) out of the bunch. Good luck!
I hate the 2ww and really, what's not normal about not being normal? I don't really know what I'm talking about ... hahhaa.. just wanted to say you're as normal as can be!!!!
Oh, I just saw that you're a Scorpio! So is my DH, his twin brother and my ex-boyfriend! And three are stubborn as hell! But Scorpios are usually very "lucky" people. I'm sending you some lucky vibes and chanting with you BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy 4th, and yeah everything you are feeling is so completely normal. That said, it probably doesn't really make things any easier. I wish I had my magic wand and could make the week fast forward and make an embryo stick! Go embryos go! I'm thinking of you big time :-)
Hey all that is so super duper normal. Many of us have been there and I think we will all agree that the 2ww should be re-named to the 2 week wait from hell, what i am going to do all this time while i wait, cause it sucks so bad i want to poa early, and what if if ififififififif...hang in there girl, BFP coming your way Saturday.
The 2ww wait for me was mental chaos. I didn't think it would be worse than the 'normal' 2ww, but since I knew that we had made contact I painfully squirmed through the wait. It felt like an eternity. Stay away from the sticks if you can. I never posted one to be analyzed but I held them up to every light source in my house trying to see if it made a difference. It's all insanity! I'm keeping my fingers crossed and sending you positive thoughts.
Goggle has been my friend and enemy, I'm glad it was your friend and helped you relax.:) I'm also glad your polyp was benign.
Ohhh the hell of the TWW...((hugs))
What you are going through is totally normal! And yes, you might feel implantation, but you won't know what it was until after you already know you are PG.
I would say take the pee test early so you can get the meds worked out. I don't reccomend testing until the day before AF is due though. I was pregnant with TRIPLETS and my tests didn't come out positive until CD 27!!! Mine were really late implanters.
I'll be obsessing and keeping my fingers crossed right along with you!
It's two weeks of pure insanity, isn't it? I hope this 2ww flies by and the insanity is short-lived. And of course, I will pray that it ends with 1 (or 2) sticky beans.
I am totally with you on your decision to transfer five (and your 2WW-induced insanity!). I'm keeping everything crossed that at least one of the Fab 5 sticks around. :)
I'm just catching up after vacation, but I'm pulling for you and the FAB 5!
I really hope the 2ww goes by fast for you, and ends with some fantastic news.
Sending you tons of good vibes and thinking of you often. Good luck!!!
The 2ww afer an IVF just does not compare to any other, it is the most frustrating, most obssessive, most tearful, most weird time of ones life.
Come on FAB 5! Stick around why don't ya?
Just checking in...hope you are doing good!
I'm so sorry that they had you worried with the biopsy results. That's the last thing that you need right now.
I'm so very hopeful and excited for you - I really really hope this is it for you. I completely understand the feelings that go along with the 2ww!!!
Thinking of you! ((hugs))
"The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part"
Soon I will know what the 2WW feels like, but for now, all I can say is Hang in there! It must be awful.. I am sending good thoughts your way.
I just wanted to wish you tons of luck for your Fab Five! I'm hoping for some majorly good news!
Just checking in on you! I can't imagine how much this 2ww is dragging by!
I'm glad WebMD gave you good news on the polyp front, that wording would have had me hyperventilating too!
Fingers crossed for you & DH.
((hugs))
Is it Friday yet??? This wait is killing me!! I cannot even imagine how it is for you!!
I'm a pest, I know. I keep checking in on you everyday to see how you're doing.
Just wanted to let you know that I'm chanting for you.
Thinking of you and missing ya!
*hugs*
Thanks for your sweet message. :)
When is your beta??? Are you going to POAS??? Any additional symptoms to report? Can't wait to hear some good news!!
Post a Comment